Reply to Found husband's profile on a "cheating" website, what do I do??

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]How is your sexlife? That is the most accurate measure of a man's happiness in a marriage.[/quote]

Not at all true.  Many victims of cheaters are puzzled by the cheating because the sex life has been good.  Good sex life doesn't prevent cheating. [/quote]

Nothing can ever completely prevent cheating. But sex is a powerful motivator for men.
Who do you think is more likely to use a cheating website: the man who is sexually satisfied at home, or the a man who (every single day) feels unloved and horny?
Not blaming OP, but she claimed shock over their "happy marriage" so this seems like a pertinent question - which she chose not to answer.[/quote]

I don't know the percentage of people who cheat who are in sexless or boring sex marriages versus those that are not, but there are men with very active sex lives who cheat.  My husband cheated even though we had sex around 4 times a week and I was very into it and willing to both experiment with what he wanted and ask for new things myself.  It was not just some boring "duty" sex. I was completely perplexed by my husband's cheating because it meant he was actually having sex with two people on the same day (he had an affair with a coworker and they would get it on during work hours, and then he would come home and be with me - it makes me very repulsed), which seemed just nuts to me.  His reason for the affair - the OW made him feel important.  I guess he thought I failed at that, though he didn't tell me how he felt at the time.

But even if you aren't having the best sex ever, the solution is not to cheat.  The solution is to talk to your spouse and figure out what the deal is and whether it's fixable.  And sometimes you might just have to not have amazing sex for a period of time, like when kids are super small, etc.  Personally, I was very not into sex from between when I was five or six months pregnant to several months after having a baby.  I think it is reasonable for sex to dwindle during those times - they are intense and stressful.  If you can't deal with that kind of timeframe, and getting your rocks off is more important than handling a temporary drought, I think that's a character flaw.  I probably sound like a peach, but the complaining about not being able to have sex during that period of life really burns me.[/quote]

There is a study done... I can't remember the name but it is referenced in Shirley Glass book.

Men (not women, women have affairs for different reasons) that report having an active sex life have affairs at the same rate as men in "sexless" marriages. Also men reporting that they love their wife have affairs at the same rate as men who wish they could divorce.

Men cheat because they are insecure, have self esteem issues, lack confidence, anxiety, depression, etc. It is at the core of their self, it has very little outward influence. Of course men (and people in general) are not very self aware and look outside themselves to blame others for their conscience decision.

It's not comforting to know... that your H is going to cheat just because, but that is the truth. Individual therapy and actually caring to be a good person who makes good decisions is the only "cure" for cheating men, but if they don't see it is them, they don't think there is anything to "fix" which is why cheaters tend to continue to be cheaters.

OP, most men do not take the steps to create an account to fantasize about affairs. He is one step from the edge. Either you wait until he falls (because it sometimes take a couple of broken bones for a man to see a doctor) or you confront him now (and he denies everything, and does not think anything is wrong and blames you). [/quote]

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