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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't get why this is an issue, except that MIL seems upset that OP and her husband won't be there for long.  IMO, it's totally reasonable to host a July 4 BBQ on July 4 - it's more than a family tradition, it's more like a national holiday celebration.  But it also seems fine that OP and her husband don't want to go because of the baby and the lack of vacation days.  So the issue really seems that the MIL is upset that OP and her husband won't be there the whole time.  This is probably one circumstance that I would suck it up and stay for several hours if you are going anyway.  I get that traffic sucks, but is it worth it to you to hang out with the relatives?  You frame this as if your MIL is making her planning more important than yours, but it is what it is so if you want to see the relatives, you should do it and just handle the drive.  This is more about what you want - your MIL isn't stopping you guys from hanging out.  Your MIL is being unreasonable in being mad, though she wouldn't be unreasonable in believing that you value an easier drive over spending time with relatives.[/quote]
OP and her husband do value spending time with family- that's why they asked around to see if it would inconvenience anyone if it were held on the 3rd instead. The MIL values the date over family, which is why she is unmoving despite the fact that no one would care if it was on the third. All of this 'what's more important to you' talk should be reserved for the MIL.[/quote]

Exactly. If her husband asked his cousins or whomever if the 3rd works for them, and it does, than this is a matter of MIL caring more about THE DATE than time with family that works for everyone.[/quote]

I'm the first quoted PP.  Yes, I agree, the MIL values the date over reworking the party to accommodate everyone.  I just don't understand what the big deal is, I guess.  I wouldn't get upset that a family member didn't change a Fourth of July party to another date if that family member is big on celebrating on the actual date.  But I would also assess my own priorities and decide whether or not to deal with the hassle of traffic.  All sides are prioritizing.  I actually don't think anyone is really wrong, EXCEPT if any of them are being jerks about it.  So if the MIL is being mean and nasty about OP not attending, that's not cool.  And it's not cool for OP to be pissed that her MIL doesn't want to change her tradition.  That's just my take on it.

And, FWIW, I have multiple children and understand that long trips (especially with bad traffic) suck, but it truly is an issue of prioritizing your desire to avoid traffic if you don't go because of that.  I am not saying whether that is bad or good, it's just the priority, which could be totally legitimate.[/quote]

Just tell a screaming baby in a car seat that "It's just a matter of prioritizing, sweetie!"[/quote]

PP again.  Obviously, that would not happen.  I have traveled with infants before, I know it is not fun.  It takes at least three times the normal time because you have to pull over for feedings, calming down, diaper changes, etc.  I get that it's not fun at all.  And I said that it is totally legitimate to choose not to do that.  But that is a choice.  They would have to travel with an infant anyway even if the date changed, just for a shorter time.  I don't see the problem with not going because it is a pain, but I think it's strange that some are annoyed that the MIL won't change the date of a party that celebrates a specific date because OP has no leave due to other things.

OP initially just asked for thoughts on what to do, so it didn't seem like she was blowing it out of proportion or demanding things.  I simply pointed out that it's a matter of priorities.  I wouldn't go into leave debt to visit, but, personally, I would just go on the 4th because I like that holiday and visiting family, even with an infant.  But if that's just too much to handle, that's totally understandable.

As I said, I just don't understand why it's so upsetting unless someone is making a huge deal about it.[/quote]

MIL is annoying because the "master goal"--family gathering to spend time with one another (and meet a new baby)--CAN be achieved without anyone needing to fight traffic with an infant, or go into leave debt. But she won't budge because she wants to put hamburgers on paper plates on a Monday instead of a Sunday. SMDH[/quote]

Your mistake is thinking that the master goal revolves around OP, her baby, and her vacation days for a completely separate vacation that nobody at the party is going to except her. The world does not revolve around OP in that way. It is perfectly understandable for local family to want to celebrate a holiday together on the actual day of the holiday. If OP does not want to travel that day, perfectly fine. If MIL bitches about her missing the party that is on her. If OP still wants to have a little get together with the in laws in that town on a different day, she should schedule and plan it herself, not expect everyone to revolve around her. [/quote]

If my cousin had a new baby, I would want to see the baby. If I couldn't see the baby because his mother, my aunt, wouldn't move a family BBQ from a MONDAY to a Sunday, I'd be pissed. Because it is way more important to me to see the new baby than to say "Happy Fourth" to local family on the Fourth. Yes, the dynamic is complicated because OP had to exhaust her leave for maternity leave, but that's not her fault, and her whole family is affected by that, not just OP. See how IT'S NOT ABOUT OP? It's not just OP and MIL here. [/quote]
+1
The MIL is doing the hosting but it sounds like she wouldn't have it any other way. And the OP already said she and her husband and baby are traveling, but the MIL is STILL annoyed that they are leaving early on the 4th. OP and her husband are not annoyed and have been nothing but flexible and showing that they care about seeing the family. MIL is showing how much she cares about dates.[/quote]

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