Reply to S/O: Ladies - Would you have sex more often

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
I personally am very open to working on issues that might arise (I do not have this issue with my DH). But I will say that if my DH framed it in this way, ie, my sexual problem was a make-or-break issue in our marriage and that if I was unable to bring myself to the level he expected with the enthusiasm he expected than he would feel entitled to go outside our marriage to meet that need. If he framed the problem that way I would likely feel very hurt and it would really impact my trust in his commitment to me and our relationship which would do nothing but exacerbate the issue. [/quote]

Glad you don't have this issue. I don't think you fully grasp the gravity of the situation some men face in a marriage where the sex has dropped off. Those marriages are swirling the bowl and well beyond sentiments like "feeling hurt" and "impacting trust" and "exacerbate the issue".
[/quote]

I don't have this issue CURRENTLY with my DH but we have had dry spells. I posted in another thread about how I put effort into revving the machine back into gear and got a bunch of posters like you saying that you don't want your wife to have to 'put in effort' to find you attractive.

IMO we got through the dry spells because we realized what was happening at the beginning and made an effort. We didn't allow years of frustration and bitterness to well up. Because I guarantee you that they way you are handling it is exacerbating the issue.

I have said this many times in these threads but a sex problem isn't a sex problem (unless its medical) its a relationship problem. And you need to think about healing the relationship, not about just having good sex again. And your wife will likely need to get some distance down the healing road before she's going to be super enthusiastic about rocking and rolling with you again. My DH would happily wait until I was comfortable if we were having an issue. That makes me not want to wait. These issues are circular and the longer you spend pointing the finger and throwing a tantrum the less likely you are to find your way back to each other. [/quote]

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