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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Your brother is trying to make his child's event the center of the family's life for a week.  Longer if you consider that it will preclude people from taking family vacations that are *not* about this cousin / nephew that year. Demandimg upwards of $3,000-$4,000 and intercontinental travel  for a kid's life cycle event is over the top. It sends a terrible message to the child himself that everyone is supposed to drop everything because he learned a Torah portion and hit puberty.

There's no way you could ask family members to do something like this for more than one child, which means your brother threw down a marker that his kid is the big-deal kid.

This isn't required religiously. All that's required is the reading before a congregation.

If they want to make this into a special trip for their family that's fine and lovely for them, but telling other people to go is beyond the pale.

If he and his family refuse to attend your local, more convenient bat mitzvah because you didn't buy fOur plane tickets and fly 14 hours each way for their destination event, then that's on him and he needs a good talking to. I'm sure his rabbi would disapprove.

Do what you want and hold your head high. You could have trees planted in Israel to commemorate the occasion and send the boy the traditional card and check.

Don't waste a moment feeling guilty he failed to bully your family into makIng the world revolve around his event. [/quote]

+1 to ALL of this. OP, I don't think you our your family should feel obligated to go if you don't want to. Skip the trip, give your nephew a card, a check, congratulations and a hug when they all get home. There is no reason you should feel obligated to go on this trip.
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+2 The brother is being a bully as only a brother can be --anyone else and you would call BS and decline immediately. 
What amazes me about this plan is how the bro make everyone else pay for his DD bat mitzvah. What balls. Then he pays for the few people that can make it  and has himself a "very meaningful and pious" trip to Israel with a few friends. What a jerk! it makes me sad the OP feels that the only excuse is "vaginal surgery"[/quote]

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