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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My husband is low drive.  Now I am too!  I fought for years for our sex life.  Now I've given up and I have little interest in having sex with him once a week on his schedule only.  He's drilled it into me that I can't rely on him for my sexual needs.  Finding out he had an affair was a slap in the face.  [/quote]

We're not there yet but I am afraid this is where DH and I will be in a few years (I don't think he'll have an affair although anything is possible).  He's low drive but on the rare occasions he wants sex, it has to be entirely on his schedule, exactly when he wants it and if I don't jump at the chance to do it right then regardless of how I'm feeling, then it's entirely my fault that we didn't have sex that day/week/whatever.

I used to think I was a high drive person but I can feel my drive dying day by day.  Soon it'll be gone then we'll both just be celibate life partners.[/quote]

That might be a good thing. Seems a lot of people fight over that, money and kids.[/quote]

It's strange but I often wonder if it is for the best.  I love him, he loves me, I want to spend my life with him.  We are compatible in every other way so if we both end up low drive, then no one will be resentful and maybe we can stay happy together...  It's just the imbalance of drive that causes resentment and conflict.[/quote]

Think of the alternative. There are many reasons 2nd marriages fail at a much greater rate. Different people same unrealistic expectations of what a real marriage is.  If sex were everything I'd be married to one of my first flames.  Thankfully I'm happily married with someone who is also mature and realistic about what truly counts.

[/quote]

Sometimes it's hard to keep that perspective when society seems to always be saying sex is the end all be all indicator of a healthy marriage.  I'm much happier when I stop fighting my declining drive since then there isn't conflict between DH and I.  Unfortunately, then I get freaked out thinking we couldn't possibly have a happy marriage without tons of sex (even though we express intimacy and affection constantly in nonsexual ways) and I start pushing for sex again.  We're younger so I worry that if I "give up" on sex now, one of us will regret it in 10 years and we won't be able to go back.[/quote]

I identify with this too.

MY DH is the low drive one in the relationship. We haven't had sex since our son was born 2 years ago. I think it began as just new parent exhaustion. Then DH went on anti anxiety meds and I think that really reduced his drive. He also struggles with maintaining an erection and I think he's now become really self conscious about it. So much so that when I've tried to talk about this issue with him in the past he really stonewalls me. Kind of shrugs it off like it's just the stuff of life preventing us from doing it, no big deal. But then has never initiated.

I think that if he was interested he would pursue it, but he doesn't...so I guess that's the answer, right?

The last time we went on a weekend away together alone was when our child was 6 months old and we didn't have sex because we both got food poisoning from the restaurant we ate at. We definitely would have if we had felt fine, the vibe was there earlier in the night and I think we really needed that time to step away from the stress of being new parents. Unfortunately the mood was ruined.

Then I got cancer and have been going through treatment this year - so feeling like it's unlikely that we will ever regain that part of our relationship.[/quote]

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