Reply to Lack of Sex starting to cause issues/fights

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hey OP - Man here, was in a very similar situation.  My wife was also very low libido, never wanted to have sex, but also got suspicious if I stopped trying to initiate.  So I get it, completely, and I also get the fact that you would rather not attempt sex if that advance will be rejected or met with the starfish routine.

What helped was for me to focus on me and not on her.  I made extra efforts to go to the gym.  It helped burn off the stress and sexual frustration, but it also helped me feel better about myself to heal the sting of rejection.  I also tried to keep somewhat busy in the evenings after the kids went to bed - either joining a sports league, or going to client events, etc.  Nothing worse than sitting on the couch next to your wife when you could be having sex but she doesn't want to.

We also had a few of the conversations.  Yes, the ones where I stated I was unhappy, and she stated she felt like a failure of a wife.  I don't know that those conversations helped our sex life, but they helped air out our feelings and also set expectations.  The one big difference between my wife and yours - my wife would offer to let me have sex with her, "but don't expect me to be into it."  I eventually accepted this was her way of trying to meet me in the middle, and sometimes accepting her offer of a one-sided quickie helped both of us feel connected.

Also, and here I will join you in the fire - I had a couple of short term affairs.  One almost blew up.  If you succumb to the temptation, make sure you don't affair with someone who is likely to blow up your world.  Because.....

It can and usually does get better.  For us, it got better when the youngest hit school full time.  Still not great but way way better, we have sex now on a normal frequency, she is into it, and she is her old, flirtatious, playful self again.  Our marriage is going great.

TL;DR - hang in there, and do what you need to do to stay sane and be a good dad and husband.  This too shall pass.  [/quote]

My SO and I have one-sided quickies when my libido tanks. We call them halfsies! Plenty of lube during and lots of snuggling after = less unpleasant than it sounds.[/quote]

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