Reply to Why did you cheat on your spouse?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why do people asshme that cheating folks havent talked begged pleaded with their apouse, havent gone to counseling etc. Some of the folks who cheat have done all you suggest and more and nothing has changed and if touch is your love language and the person you loved and made vows to isnt touching you and doesn't care that you need that well sometimes just sucking it up and dealing isnt possible. You cannot look at it narrowly. Cheating is not right but neither is cutting off intimacy in your marriage and just expecting your partner to be OK with it. When one of the shrill people acknowledges that I will stop posting in this thread. [/quote]

I will acknowledge it. (Although I  an NP.)  No intimacy in marriage is not right.  But neither is cheating.  When I was little my brother would do something wrong and crappy to me, and I would do something wrong and crappy back without any remorse, justifying it by saying his wrong and crappy behavior meant he deserved mine.  My mother would admonish me, "Two wrongs don't make a right." And I would be punished for redressing a wrong by doing wrong.

I think you miss the point when people are attacking you for having no moral values.  You think thag they are saying you are immoral for sleeping with another.  But, the real accusation is that you have no morals in terms of how you choose to redress wrongs against yourself.  This basic moral value is the underpinning of a society that is committed to escaping the downward cycle of tit fot tat.

It is not immoral to be honest about your needs, negotiate for them and then end the relationship if you can't come to terms.  It is immoral to be unable to achieve your goals in negotiation but then secretly lie and manipulate to get what you want elsewhere while still keeping your partner on the hook.

Circumstance made you want to be unfaithful, but only you chose to actually take action on that.  You chose that because it seemed easier, less painful and appeared to involve less loss to yourself than the option of divorce.  You  need to own that and not blame your spouse.  that part was solely you.[/quote]

Once again, I did not cheat on my spouse HE cheated on ME though not because I was withholding intimacy from him. There is more than one person here discussing this and to ASSume that only a person who had cheated would see the other side says a lot about you. [/quote]

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