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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]New-mom friend(?) who I had just been introduced to at preschool, invited me to her house so our children could play. After I arrived the Mom left the house w/out any real explanation but as she was heading out the door said I should make myself feel at home and help myself to anything in the kitchen. Left me to socialize with the nanny (generally non-English speaking) who wasn't any help for an explanation.[/quote]

LOL I wonder if this was me? Occasionally some SAHMs from my preschool ask to do playdates with my child. [b]I always explain I work full-time[/b] (most days at home but sometimes in office), but they never seem to understand that means I'll be upstairs in my office working or will have to go into my office for meetings during the day. Like, NEVER. This has happened 3-4 times to me over the years. I don't want to make anyone sad, but I can't hang out and drink wine "on the clock" at work (no matter how desperately I'd like to!). I work after the kids are asleep most nights and I can't take down time during the day without it cutting into family time later! [/quote]

What? Did you not explain to the moms that you won't be there, but the nanny would? I also WAH, and when I make playdates with SAHM-- especially for preschoolers--I make sure to plan it on a day that I won't be working or on a weekend. I assumed that all working moms did this? I think it is really awkward to schedule a playdate between your nanny and another mom. At age 3, the playdates are not just about the kids getting along, but connecting with other parents.[/quote]

Yes. As per bolded I always explain if it's during the workday I can't be around. They have insisted that's no big deal, a couple have even bonded with our nanny (who's young and awesome and fun to be around) but a couple have only requested to come over during the week once and then switched to weekends/evenings. My take was that they didn't think I was serious that I have to work during the day.

I have three kids so you don't need to instruct me on what playdates are about  :lol: A good playdate is of course as much about the caregivers/parents getting along as the kids (and the best have booze, but hey...) -- no reason caregivers and parents can't become friends unless you're classist. [/quote]

No, that is not an explanation.  That is a statement about the total number of hours you work per week.  I work full time, but that does not mean that I work from 8-5; I don't.  Clearly you aren't explaining it as they "like, NEVER" understand.  Why don't you just say, I will have to be upstairs working during that whole time.  THAT would explain it.  Instead you have repeatedly put people in awkward positions without ever acknowledging that your lack of communication could have caused the problem.[/quote]

Not to pile on, but I'm mystified why, if you say "we would love to see Clara at 10 am to play with Stella, but just so you know I will be working in my office and our nanny Susan will be there to supervise the children and looks forward to getting to know you if you are going to stay while the girls stay."

Why is that not said, and how is that unclear [/quote]

Yeah I think you're doing it wrong.  [b]For example, if you say something like:  "A playdate?  Well, I work full time but you are welcome to bring little Jimmy over on Thursday" I would find that ambiguous[/b] -- you work full time but you're inviting us over with no other qualifiers so maybe you're taking the morning off to make special time for us?  Or maybe you'd have a caretaker there to watch the kids, but since you didn't mention them, I wouldn't be sure.

If you said instead, "A playdate?  I work full time so I can say hi when you arrive but then my nanny will be there to take over" I would understand exactly.  I mean, I'm a SAHM but I'm also a lawyer with an ivy league degree -- I'm not stupid.  If I tried this once at your house and then didn't reschedule to do it again, it's not because I'm too dumb to understand you.  It's because I'm game to try new things, but I'm not so desperate for activities that I'll agree to repeat a dull one over and over.  Maybe your nanny and I didn't click, or maybe now that I've seen the kids play together one on one or talked to your nanny for a while there are some things I wanted to talk to you directly about.

Pro tip:  SAHMs can actually understand you when you use your words to speak to us, EVEN THOUGH YOU WORK FULL TIME.  [/quote]

Exactly.  I find the smug condescension, accusing people of being classist because they don't want to be invited on a playdate and then get foisted off on someone they don't know, a bit over the top.

I work from home as well, and I can't imagine a situation where I literally don't have a single hour to spare.  Like, do you not have a lunch hour?  Are you running a sweatshop out of your house?  What the hell is going on?  It's kind of amusing, the level of self-importance and "Deal with it!" attitude this woman has towards other parents. [/quote]

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