Reply to DW has incredibly low sex drive - not sure what can be done to help

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
But things change, people change.  Maybe her idea of "having sex" is something that happens less often, or something that does not come before all the other chores and responsibilities that make a life and a family with kids run smoothly.

And you know what?  THAT"S OKAY.

You know you live in a patriarchy when people literally try to frame "not wanting to have sex" as if it is some kind of selfish, cruel crime.

YOU ARE NOT OWED SEX.  NOT BY YOUR GIRLFRIEND, NOT BY YOUR SPOUSE.

So if that was the reason you got married- well, you made a poor life choice!

Try to be mature, take control for your own orgasms, realize and internalize the fact that your wife has a different libido than you and that that is perfectly, 100% valid. [/quote]

So you have changed and no longer want sex? Or it's at the bottom of your priority list?
I can't force you to have sex with me. I can (and will) make my ongoing [b]sexual needs[/b] heard.
I won't just give up silently. Just because, to you, sex is obsolete, does not make it so for me.
At the end of the day, I will not "rape" you and you can certainly choose to have little to no sex.
But that decision costs you my fidelity. I will not be celibate on your account.[/quote]

"Needs".  Sex is not a need, despite the efforts of men throughout history to get it thought of as such.

It's nice, sure.  It can make you feel closer to a person.

But it's not a requirement for life.

It's not about giving up, it's about reframing your expectation of what constitutes a relationship.  It's about considering her perspective in this issue.  It's about not putting your WANT to have sex above her bodily autonomy.

It's about finding other ways to relieve that tension, of finally admitting that your wife has a different libido than you, and that that's okay, and that you do not get to have sex from someone who doesnt want it.

It's about reversing the sexual entitlement that you, as a male, have been taught since birth.  It's about question whether this indeed the "desperate need" you have built up in your mind, or simply a disagreement, another aspect of your relationship where you see things differently, [b]and not automatically assuming that your way is the correct one.[/b][/quote]

Female here with a higher sex drive than my now ex husband.  After more than 7 years of sexual frustration, I got more and more open about how the status quo didn't work for me and could not continue.  The day X chastised me for self pleasuring, when he wouldn't be bothered to have sex with me, was the day I left. Some of us don't take kindly to our "partners" controlling our sex drives. Only a low libido person would (incorrectly) describe sex as "not a need." [b]Actually, biologically, it is a need.[/b][/quote]

I mean, no- it's not.  Sorry, nothing happens to someone who doesnt have sex, other than maybe your stress level might rise a bit, no matter how high your libido is.

Justify it all you want, but please dont try to define sex as a "need".  It's just absurd. [/quote]

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