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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op. I'm so sorry. The lube doesn't bode well. I, too, can thinking same sex or a pro. Or a same sex pro. [/quote]

Me too. This doesn't sound like an affair & I'm betting you won't find any incriminating texts.  This sounds like hookers, or more likely, gay hookups than another woman.  My guess is he's even less likely to admit this.  I'd hire a PI, but I'm one of those who can't rest until I get to the bottom of things.

This type of thing is more common than you'd think.  I have a friend whose ex-bf was engaging in gay hookups.  He's now married with kids.  His wife is super involved in the kids' private school & they look like the perfect family from the outside.  I have another friend who never found proof of this but would bet her life that's what her ex was up to.[/quote]

Heavens, people! Enough with the conspiracy theories.  Some of you should either stop watching 24 or start writing for them...

OP - There are [b]many[/b] more mature ways to handle this other  than (a) assuming/fearing the worst, (b) sneaking around behind his back as if you already don't trust him, and (c) leaping to far-fetched conclusions [i]waaaay[/i] before the first step has been taken.

Possibly healthier options to snooping / prying:

1) Ignore it.  As someone pointed out, these are fairly old and not really an indicator of recent activity.  If that doesn't suit your concerns, take the condoms/lube and throw them away.  See if he says anything or if they come back.  If neither happen, move on with life.... (or skip to #3)

2) If you have any confidence in your relationship, just ride in the car with him and want to write something down.  No pen? Check the glovebox.  Wha?!? Condomss?  Laugh about it and say, "Something wrong with the gas cap dear?"

3) If this is really bothering you, treat this like you are both adults and simply ask.  Like many things you two have likely encountered through the years, just face it head on, as united as possible.  If there is an affair, face it, talk about it, work through it if possible.  If there isn't anything, then don't create a problem/drama where none existed.  I promise you, knowing the truth is far, far better than spending your time wondering and letting the darkest parts of your mind (or forums... Or Internet...) offer up imagery and scenarios.

Remember, you are in a relationship - act as if you have an equal stake / equal position and approach this exactly as you would be treated if he were to find condoms in your car/purse/what-have-you.    If he is guilty, you will know it in his reaction.  Trust your instinct, knowing the man and  knowing all of the times you've seen him surprised, confused, busted, guilty...whatever.  Come to it fresh, don't over think it (may be too late for that but hopefully you get the idea).  It is a testament to your love and dedication to the relationship that you are concerned enough to ask and go through some of the posts on this forum.  Now focus that same love and dedication to DH - ask him openly and honestly to show/underscore that he is important to you and you don't like any hint of uncertainty between the two of you.  This feels wrong for a reason but don't focus on it - focus on the two of you - the bond, the relationship, the thing that makes the love so strong.  Trust it, rely on it, lean on it.  If that doesn't let you choose option 1, then hold fast to your love and go for option 2 or 3 - at least you will be facing it together (worst case, from opposite sides but I truly hope not and don't believe that will be the case here.)

Best of luck.[/quote]

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