Reply to I'm 43 with no kids, but want 1.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Obviously, DCUM falls into two very clearly divided groups:

1) people who have kids in their 40s;
2) people who stridently disapprove -- with charts!

Here's my question: would #2 people disapprove if OP adopted kids in her 40s like my SIL did?

Is fostering O.K. to you?

If so, why or why not?

OP, you can guess that I'm in Camp #1; my advice to you is never to run your life by consensus. You're the only person who gets to live it.
[/quote]

Camp 3. People who think this entire arrangement is immoral and selfish on op's part. No matter what the age [/quote]
This. Don't so CRAZY OP. This is a terrible thing to do to a poor kid. [/quote]

WHAT? How is this a terrible thing to do to a child?

Do you say the same about single women who use a sperm donor (like my boss, who makes $300K+)? 
Or married gay men who use a surrogate (like my colleague and his husband - both of whom are white shoe attorneys)? 
Or perhaps lesbian couples who rely on a sperm donor who is a close friend (like my dear friends who are raising beautiful twin daughters)?

Lots of well adjusted, successful people have children outside the meet in college -> married -> buy MoCo house -> 2.5 kids trajectory.[/quote]

NP, but yes. I would say that all of the circumstances that you describe are selfish acts of self-absorbed, maladjusted people who selfishly bring new children into the world in less than ideal circumstances FOR THE CHILD. Their "wanting" to have kids should not trump the best interests of the poor kid who asked for none of their craziness.[/quote]

Those kids would not exist without their parent's choices. I think anyone would choose a non-traditional family over non-existence.  You are saying that children of single.mothers should just not exist.  You are saying that they are inherently messed up and inferior.

I hope my kid never dates your kid. Your family's values are a nightmare.[/quote]

It's not the children who are "messed up," although I could certainly see how they could become that way. And no one is inferior. I am saying that single mothers who willingly bring children into the world sans a dad in their life, in a married, committed home, are being selfish, yes. And their children are at an extreme disadvantage and will pay the price for that all of their lives. Adopting kids who already exist is another story -- most single women can better the lives of kids who would otherwise end up in more dire situations.[/quote]

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