Reply to Deciding to have kids later- do you regret/ are you happy?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]A DH here, who is 48. DW and I have a 6-year-old and a 3-year-old. DW is 42.

We're so glad to have these wonderful children, but we both wish we had met sooner and had the kids sooner. The forties are a tough decade on the body -- easier to gain weight, less energy in general -- and having young kids during that time only compounds the effect.

Moreover, both of us work full-time and, after spending two decades building our careers, we have found that the demands of raising young children has been a career-staller, if not a career-killer. We're both treading water at work, hoping to make it to a time when the kids are more independent and less labor- and time-intensive. And the careers are stalled despite the realization that I'll be in my 60s when the kids are in college, if all goes according to plan. So retiring early, which I had hoped to do, is going to be tough, if not impossible.

Don't get me wrong. The trade offs are worth it. I'd rather have 2 young kids at 48 than have no kids at all. But both DW and I would prefer to have had them younger.

I would advise my kids to have their own children between age 27 and 35 if they can, and if they have found someone they love and are committed to. I think you want the nest to empty by your mid-50s if you can. That also would make it more likely that they have meaningful relationships with their eventual grandchildren, should they have any. Me, I just hope to be hanging on long enough to see my kids have kids.

Good luck OP![/quote]

I didn't read the whole thread, but your comment stuck out to me and I just want to say thank you for sharing the most honest words here. As a 32 year old female in a committed relationship on the brink of engagement, wedding, buying a home, and establishing full time placement at work this was a real eye opening feedback. We know we want kids but we thought we would wait til 35-36 to be more financially stable, but we have been discussing the possibility of having kids sooner and buying a starter home as opposed to a forever home now. This makes a lot more sense to us considering we want 1-2 kids. It really depends how it goes with 1 and if I'm up for #2 within 2 year period. I want to finish having kids by 36. [/quote]

SORRY - I'm the 11:18 PP,  and the immediate PP, and I messed up trying to quote a PP and respond. (Got the text all out of order.) Trying again......

I'm the PP. Thanks for the kind words. Glad you found my feedback helpful.

Regarding starter homes vs. forever homes, DW and I bought a 3BR house when we still had just the one child, and didn't know if we would have another. After no. 2 came along we really regretted not stretching to get a 4BR. We plan to move up to a bigger house eventually, but the transaction costs are not insignificant. Consider renting in the neighborhood you think you'd like to buy in until you know how big a house you'll eventually want to have. That may also allow you to save more as well. For us, it would have made sense to wait and go for the forever home. As it stands, we may not end up in our forever home until I'm in my 50s -- but we probably could have been in one by now if we hadn't bought the starter home (and sunk some money into renovations).

Everybody is different, of course (you all are younger, for one thing), so think about it and do what's right for you. Good luck! 
[/quote]

Horrible advice, never put off having kids if you are otherwise ready for relatively trivial reasons like whether to buy a 3 or 4 bedroom house.  Your prime fertility lasts such a short time, if you are emotionally ready to have kids, go ahead.  [/quote]

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