Reply to Deciding to have kids later- do you regret/ are you happy?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I also had mine at 36 and 39. What I notice are the friends who had theirs younger and are now in a position to retire. Meanwhile, I have 12 years to go until the little one is out of college. I feel like I would like to do something different, but I can't. I make a really good living, but it is a high stress life. I am also going through a divorce (STBXH also does well, so we share custody and expenses). The divorce may color my view of things and the feeling of exhaustion. If your marriage is really solid and you are set financially, you may have a different experience. Sometimes I think, with the very analytical part of my brain, that it would have been easier (though it wouldn't have saved the marriage) if we stopped at one as planned. #2 was an oops, although I have to tell you she has brought more joy than I could have imagined to my life. That observation comes from a different part of my brain and from my heart. [/quote]

+1 to all of this minus the divorce part.  I am 55 and DH is 60 and we have two kids, 18 and 15.  The15yo, a freshman in high school, will be dependent on us for 8 more years.  DH will work for as long as he can, as will I, but I am tired of what I do and would love to dabble in something fun.  With college on the horizon, that is not an option.[/quote]

This is defenetly something that people don't consider when they choose to wait. I am 46 and my child graduated from the law school and been working and fully supporting himself for a year now. I am so glad that all the money I make now, all the free time I have I can spend the way I want. [/quote]

PP here.  It is all about tradeoffs.  An empty nest at 50 is certainly appealing, but OTOH I spent my 20s and early 30s living abroad and having all kinds of adventures and experiences, and would not trade that for the world.

It is a drag sometimes not to be able to live for myself now.  But I lived for myself for a very long time in young adulthood, which people who became parents at a young age did not.[/quote]

Let's get real here. Traveling at 46 is wayyyy better than traveling at 28. You have more money and you spend your time more wisely.

I'm not the poster you are responding to, but preschoolers at 46? That sounds like a hellish way to spend middle age. Collecting social security and paying college? Yea. No.[/quote]

Are you joking?  Also who has an empty nest at 46?  Only if you're white trash and then your idea of fun is probably going to Walmart.  And you probably have great grandkidS.

But really the reason I'd rather be in my 20s or 30s and having fun is because there are a lot of other people doing it.  Good luck finding a group of friends at 46 who want to go long trips to Europe, dine out at top restaurants and stay out late.  You better hope you like spending time with your spouse because that's who you'll be hanging out with.  Most other educated couples will have already done all of those things and will be focused on kids and maybe second homes.  Not going to Ibiza.  [/quote]

Lol! I also have a second home, I'm at it right now sitting on the toilet.. Just because we had kids in our early 20s doesn't mean we're busted broke. I grew up in McLean and attended Sidwell. I've been to a Walmart maybe 3 times in my life.

At the risk of sounding pretentious, considering the kind of people I grew up with and the affluence I was surrounded with, it's not hard to find travel partners. Maybe that is the case for your circle, but not mine. #middleclassproblems #nobodytotravelwirh #cantrelate [/quote]

Pp here.  Curious but will your girlfriends travel with you?  My friends won't go anywhere without their husbands.  It seems hard to plan vacations around so many work schedules.  Are you and your spouse wealthy enough that you don't have to work and you run around in the jet setting crowd?  If so....why do you live in DC?! [/quote]

Yes, we do a week girls trip at least once a year and then long weekends here and there. I will say though, most of my friends don't work normal 9-5 jobs if they even work.

We live in DC because we grew up here and we have friends and family here. A big network. Additionally we own a business together and this is where the money is at. The business will always keep us here. Owning our own business is what gives us a ton of flexibility to travel.

Though we live in DC (and like it here very much) we escape to our second home whenever we can when the weather gets cold and nasty.[/quote]

So you run with an extremely wealthy crowd of educated people who don't work (or possibly own their own businesses that can be closed whenever to go on vacation...the very definition of a successful business) and had their kids early so everyone is ready to let loose in their 40s.  That's a real unicorn!  Never met one person like that, but you've found a whole crowd to hang with.  Well done.
[/quote]

That's the life of people born into wealth for you. [/quote]

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