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[quote=Anonymous][quote]Many women get married and sex is always something with a quid pro quo.  OP just wants his wife to desire him sexually.  I'm sure your husband does too.

For whatever reason, women like yourself--most women being talked about in this thread, most in our society--despite being nominal "feminists," always seem to believe that their vagina is such a wonderful prize that the man in their life has to pay a toll for admission to it.[/quote]

Hey OP asked how he could turn this around. Here's one answer. Use it or don't, I don't care. I think it could work. Read the link about responsive sexuality. Men need to try harder to create erotic conditions to turn their wives on and set the "mood."[/quote]

According to one PP, throwing the woman up against the wall and aggressively "taking" her seems to work pretty well.

[b]Why is the burden on the husband "to turn their wives on and set the mood"?[/b]

Why isn't the burden on the wife to get herself turned on and into the mood?

Any situation where the man is a supplicant to the wife, asking her to grant him sexual favors, is never going to generate real sexual interest in the wife.  Women simply don't respect sexually submissive men.  Your premise is dead wrong.

The basic premise is that somehow, a husband can emotionally manipulate a woman who doesn't really want to have sex with him, to desire him, by "creating a mood," "jumping through hoops," "buying gifts," and doing everything OTHER THAN actually being "sexual" with her.  Actually being "sexual" with her is a big no-no.

But that's the only thing that ever works.  That's why women crave the loutish bad boys who throw them against the wall and "take" them.

Unfortunately for the women married to submissive men, they don't have that kind of personality naturally.  (That's why she married him--he's "safe" and submissive.)  So that means the WOMAN has to do everything she possibly can do to bring out HIS sexuality.  She is the dominant personality in all of these relationships.  He is the one "asking" for it or begging for it, she's the one calling shots.  Since she is calling the shots, SHE has to take the responsibility for the poor state of the relationship, and primary responsibility for fixing it.

This whole analysis of course assumes these women actually want to be happy rather than unhappy.  Most of them seem to preferentially want to remain neurotically unhappy in bad marriages, as long as they can blame their husbands. [/quote]

You are overthinking this.  The reason why men often have to put in the work to have more sex is because 1) its usually the man that wants sex; and 2) most females have responsive sexual desire so you need to do something to have them respond.  As much as I wish it were true, saying "lets fuck" or pushing her up against the wall isn't going to get her going.

Simple economics - the one who wants something more will pay more for it.  By and large, men want sex more than women.

Analogy - women, in general, want a cleaner house than men.  Who gets stuck doing more of the housework?  Women.  Because if a man doesn't care, he isn't going to be proactive about cleaning.  If he is a good spouse, he will realize his wife wants a clean house and he will help her.  But so long as its more important to her, she is going to be stuck initiating the cleaning, doing most of it, and if things get bad, having to verbalize to her spouse the need for him to clean too.

Sex is tricky because he wants her to want to have sex, not just have it.  It is understandable, the need to feel desired is universal.  Its just not realistic.[/quote]

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