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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm a woman and I have this problem. I've been thinking about it and I think what I need is romance and spontaneity. I want my husband to pursue me the way he did before we got married and had kids. I want him to pursue me the way he would if we were having an affair. I want him to arrange weekend getaways, including babysitters for the kids. Surprise me with plane tickets. Make reservations for restaurants. Gifts: jewelry, flowers, lingerie. It's hard to feel sexy in your own home surrounded by needy children.

Anyway, give this a try OP. See what happens.[/quote]

Many women get married and sex is always something with a quid pro quo.  OP just wants his wife to desire him sexually.  I'm sure your husband does too.

For whatever reason, women like yourself--most women being talked about in this thread, most in our society--despite being nominal "feminists," always seem to believe that their vagina is such a wonderful prize that the man in their life has to pay a toll for admission to it.[/quote]

Hey OP asked how he could turn this around. Here's one answer. Use it or don't, I don't care. I think it could work. Read the link about responsive sexuality. Men need to try harder to create erotic conditions to turn their wives on and set the "mood."[/quote]

According to one PP, throwing the woman up against the wall and aggressively "taking" her seems to work pretty well.

Why is the burden on the husband "to turn their wives on and set the mood"?

Why isn't the burden on the wife to get herself turned on and into the mood?

Any situation where the man is a supplicant to the wife, asking her to grant him sexual favors, is never going to generate real sexual interest in the wife.  Women simply don't respect sexually submissive men.  Your premise is dead wrong.

The basic premise is that somehow, a husband can emotionally manipulate a woman who doesn't really want to have sex with him, to desire him, by "creating a mood," "jumping through hoops," "buying gifts," and doing everything OTHER THAN actually being "sexual" with her.  Actually being "sexual" with her is a big no-no.

But that's the only thing that ever works.  That's why women crave the loutish bad boys who throw them against the wall and "take" them.

Unfortunately for the women married to submissive men, they don't have that kind of personality naturally.  (That's why she married him--he's "safe" and submissive.)  So that means the WOMAN has to do everything she possibly can do to bring out HIS sexuality.  She is the dominant personality in all of these relationships.  He is the one "asking" for it or begging for it, she's the one calling shots.  Since she is calling the shots, SHE has to take the responsibility for the poor state of the relationship, and primary responsibility for fixing it.

This whole analysis of course assumes these women actually want to be happy rather than unhappy.  Most of them seem to preferentially want to remain neurotically unhappy in bad marriages, as long as they can blame their husbands.  [/quote]

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