Reply to How young is too young for sex?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

Hold up. So allowing a 13 year old girl to date a 17 year old boy to date is going to keep them from having sex? [/quote]

Maybe. My parents allowed me to date a 24-year-old when I was 17, and we didn't have sex. Or maybe allowing a 13-year-old girl to date boys closer to her own age would have stopped her from dating, not to mention having sex with, a 17-year-old boy.

Do you remember being a teenager? For many teenagers, nothing is more enticing than something your parents forbid you to do because they say you're too young.[/quote]

PP, maybe that worked out for you, but it's not a common experience. Who knows? Maybe you dated that one 24 year old man who was not looking for sex when dating, but if I had a teenage daughter, I'd want to know who she's dating his (or her) age and what they are doing. That would go for my son as well. An odd age difference is a warning sign.[/quote]

I'm the PP you're responding to, and yes, absolutely it's a warning sign. The situation in the OP is a bad situation. But it sounds to me like maybe it's a bad situation rooted in too much parental forbidding already, in which case more parental forbidding alone won't improve the situation.[/quote]

I'm not simply suggesting  that "more forbidding" is the answer. Full disclosure is the answer. The fact that a 13-year-old girl lied to her parents about her 17-year-old BF shows that she knew there was something wrong with it but wanted to do it anyway and was willing to lie and scheme to indulge her impulses. That doesn't exactly scream "responsibility" to me. That, paradoxically, sounds like a cry for help, as in "Stop me before I rebel again."

The girl and her parents need family therapy now. The boy's parents need an earful from the girl's mom and dad. If anything, the boy is more culpable, due to age and also agreeing with her to lie and meet with him secretly. He doesn't sound like good dating material in any possible way. A BF who would encourage the girl to lie, to meet secretly and to hide it would more likely encourage her to engage in unprotected sex than to bring a condom and bear his share of responsibility for what happens. She's better off without him and with her parents knowing exactly what she was doing. [/quote]

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