Reply to S/O I was the OW and I told the wife

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Reply to "S/O I was the OW and I told the wife"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I've also been the unsuspecting OW, OP.  It sucks and I get it. Ignore the haters on the thread.

[b]I think you should send a polite but formal and clear-boundaries email in reply. express compassion for what she's going through, but say that it was an awful period for you, you've worked hard to put it behind you, and you don't wish to relive it by talking to her. Maybe add that if she wants to talk because she is seeking a divorce then her lawyer can contact you from now on, but she should already have more than enough information from your last email.
[/b]
She is asking you to be a friend and that is just a bad idea. She's now where you were, remember--that nasty email years ago was her in denial and lashing out. Now she is actually grappling with it, a betrayal a lot worse than yours. You can have compassion for her all you want but you do not need to take on her pain and reopen your own wounds by being her friend. He hurt you both but your shared pain is no basis for a relationship.

I never did contact the wife and always wondered if I should have. The Ashley Madison hack brought it all back for me because when I looked at the records on Fairfax Underground my lying married ex-BF was on that site like white on rice.  In the end it gave me more, not less, peace because the information being so accessible meant I no longer had even a tiny theoretical obligation to inform her. Likewise, your obligation towards her is long over. Keep on with the recovery and good luck finding real love. Decent men are out there. [/quote]

This is superb advice. Do this. [/quote]

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