Reply to Update: New nephews not fitting into family dynamic

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am the first PP.  I get that this is a very annoying dynamic for you, but again, why pick this major family event to make your point.
You are having the event catered- -so just request 2 kids meals with chicken fingers (or whatever).
Kids can bring ipads with headphones.  When they get bored, they can sit at the table with them.  Who cares?

My son was the ring bearer in a no-kids-but-him adult wedding.  After the dinner (which he sat through with no problem), I let him sit at the table with an ipad and headphones while the adults danced and talked.  No one gave a crap.  [/quote]

Again, I will explain. If they don't have tyson's chicken nuggets and kraft boxed macaroni they will not eat and they will cry and throw things. Even food. When playing games, even with headphones, they scream and yell and throw things. iPads always go so far with them too, they then want their consoles and want to leave and will start crying and screaming (I'm not kidding here, screaming) and kicking their mom if they don't. They also fart and belch all the time, including at the table. They bully their step sisters, they hit their mother. I have never been to any event with them that they have not done these things.

The issue is these children cannot behave. They don't even behave at church. They play on their phones or ipads, they talk, make noise, fart. Its not like I can invite them to this event and hope they are like your son and "no one will give a crap"[/quote]

It probably wouldn't have been better to invite them, let them sit away from the group at their own private table (SIL could have brought nuggets and mac & cheese for them) and if they had acted up  - THEN you could have asked SIL to please take them home.

In fact, you should have been asking her to take them home whenever they were disruptive - at church, another person's house, wherever.  The precedent would have been set and SIL would have incentive to try to reign her kids in or at least figure out how to keep them appeased.  Her problem.

Coulda, woulda, shoulda.  I totally get why you talked to SIL.  I really do.  But in doing so you were taking a risk that you might offend her and that was what happened.  Honestly, since SIL seems to be pretty clueless and self centered to even consider allowing her kids to wreck a party like this with their poor behavior I really think that this was going to happen with her at some point anyway.  She could have gotten offended simply because you placed her boys at a table all by themselves while the larger group (including the other kids) all ate together.  I think that would be an embarrassing arrangement for most parents to have their kids singled out like that.  Yet, you couldn't expect the well behaved kids to sit with them and be abused.

You were in a lose-lose situation with SIL.  Believe me, I love kids and I am sympathetic to the occasional outburst but what you are describing with these boys and SIL's way of handling them (consistently allowing them to ruin things for others) is not acceptable.[/quote]

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