Reply to If you are a woman with kids who divorced at 40+, how are things?

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Reply to "If you are a woman with kids who divorced at 40+, how are things?"

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[quote=Anonymous]Hang in there, OP.  Look after yourself and do what is best for YOU.  You can't stay in a bad marriage just to protect your kids.  From all your posts, it seems that you feel a lot of responsibility for your marriage not being perfect.  I hope that you can now see that your DH was often angry with you for reasons beyond your control (he wanted to be with another woman).

In my experience, men often mistreat their spouses when they are having an affair.  I think they need to demonize you in order to justify their own moral failure.  In other words, if they convince themselves that you are a bad spouse or a bad person, they will feel better about breaking their vows.

It sounds like he has affected your self esteem over the past few years.  I am not saying that he is an abusive asshat, but the anger, the complaints, and the way he minimized your needs and efforts contribute to your feeling "less than".  When I left my cheating husband, it took me several years to understand the full impact of his actions and the way that he treated me.  It definitely becomes emotional abuse -- but when it is subtle, it is hard to see.  I always thought of abuse as something far more sinister -- and it often is.

All this is just to say that you are in a hard place right now.  Know that no matter what your marriage was like, cheating is not acceptable behavior.

Take your time.  If you want to work on your marriage for a while to see if it can be salvaged -- do it!  You won't regret trying to save it.  If you decide it can not be saved or is not worth saving, then you can move on without guilt.

I'm 50, divorced now after exDH cheated four years ago.  There are plenty of men who are happy to date women with kids.  Some are single dads; others have no kids and don't want any of their own.  I've had three men who wanted to marry me since starting dating.  Until now, I haven't been ready for that type of commitment.  There is definitely life after divorce![/quote]

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