Reply to How do you deal with a situation that is affecting you but its really none of your business?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You lost me at obese, OP.  [/quote]

Why? I genuinely want to know.

These children are obese. To the point where the older one doesn't fit in a normal dining room chair. Their mother has said that the pediatrician is extremely concerned with their weight and wants them on special diets and to get exercise beyond extra testing. I think part of not wanting to participate in activities with the other children is because they physically cannot.

Is it just the word? Should I have said extremely overweight? Called them fatties? Chunky? I thought obese was a good way to describe the situation.[/quote]

Their mother is taking them to the doctor and the doctor has said that they should be on a special diet.  Isn't it up to the mom and your BIL to follow through on that diet?  Is it possible that they are waiting until after vacation to get going on the diet/exercise program?

[/quote]

No. She said she tries but then they won't eat. She doesn't like to see them cry so she gives them what they want. This has been going on before and after vacation.[/quote]

What can you realistically do about it?  She is their mother, she is the one taking them to the doctor and she is the one who keeps trying (and failing) to get these kids to eat this special diet.  The one this lady should be talking to is the doctor.  If plan A doesn't work, what is plan B...she can figure that out with the doctor.

FWIW this woman sounds overwhelmed.  You can lend a sympathetic ear but you really aren't in the position to step in and DO anything.  Just keep treating these boys like "normal" guests.  Try to figure out how to engage them if only for a little while.  Baby steps.[/quote]

....um I'm not really sure how to answer "What can you realistically do about it?" because I don't want to do anything about it nor have I asked for advice on what to do about it. In fact my entire OP was "I know I can't do anything about this so how do I just deal with it because its affecting my family and life".

What I do want is for them, when at my home or a family gathering to not fat and belch. I'd like them to eat the food everyone is eating without throwing a tantrum (at 12 and 9) for nuggest and mac and cheese. I'd also like for them to participate like everyone else and not bury their heads in games and then laugh and scream and yell about them disrupting everyone elses time together. I don't understand why this is so much to ask of a 9 and 12 year old. However like I've said over and over I can't step on someone elses parenting. She lets them bully her, she gets angry and tearful when they get left out. Its aggravating as hell, but we are all just held hostage to it and have to deal.[/quote]

It is absolutely fine to expect some basic, common courtesy from these boys.  You are right to not want them farting and belching at the table and throwing tantrums when they don't get their way.  Don't cook them special food.  If they don't eat what is served let their mom deal with it.  Invite them to participate in a fairly sedate activity and let them decide if they want to.  All you can do is do your part.  You can not make these boys enjoy themselves.  If they choose to stay in their rooms and their mother allows it...there just isn't much that you can realistically do about it.[/quote]

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