Reply to How do you deal with a situation that is affecting you but its really none of your business?

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Reply to "How do you deal with a situation that is affecting you but its really none of your business?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I read OP's reference to obesity as one of concern for them, not as judgment.

In context, this is someone who has welcomed her husband's brother's family to her parents' vacation home and wrote a post trying to figure out how to make it work, not to kick them to the curb. Very few people would put up with this degree of disruption for a brother-in-law's step kids. She's obviously a devoted person.

Their obesity is relevant to the overall picture: unhealthy living that results from relationship patterns where the are calling the shots, flailing, and harming themselves because no grownup is exercising good judgment and saying no.

One can be shocked and alarmed at childhood obesity without being shallow or judgmental. Childhood obesity is the number one predictor of adult  obesity. It shortens a person's life by about 10 years. Quality of life for lifelong chronically obese people is compromised by joint problems, blood sugar issues, and heart disease. All of that is in addition to the pain and judgement that the heavy kids endure with their peers.

People on this board argue so much about parenting practices that have far lower stakes and where the science is mixed or non-existent (work or stay home, childbirth practices, length of breast feeding) but these kids' problem dwarfs all of those. It is a big deal and OP recognizes that.

OP, I hope that if you have a good relationship with your brother in law you can support him in helping his wife deal with this health problem.

[/quote]

Thank you so much for this post. I really appreciate it. If I'm honest I will say I was really shocked by their weight, it is heartbreaking to see these boys. They don't participate because they can't. I have no doubt they get teased, I am sure their self esteem takes a real hit because of their weight. I am sure they want the same foods over and over because they are addicted and also because its comforting to them. Vicious cycle.

As for my BIL, I know for a fact he wants to help the boys too. He also wants to get out there and get active with them and do "guy" stuff with them. I can only guess, because I haven't asked but I think he has found love again after losing his wife is such a gut wrenching way and he hates to see her hurting and upset so he placates her and she in turn placates the boys.[/quote]

Then good for your brother. Why are you taking this on as much as you are. You're not their mother, or your brother's wife.[/quote]

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