Reply to Please tell me, 42yo mom of two young kids, the realities of divorce

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Reply to "Please tell me, 42yo mom of two young kids, the realities of divorce"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Gosh, OP, you can't say you haven't tried. He sounds depressed.

You get one shot at this life. I'm someone who rallies for posters to do everything they can to stay together. But it sounds like you may be at the point where it would be healthier to cut your losses and move on towards finding happiness.

What does he think about separating? [/quote]

thanks.  i certainly have contributed to the situation, i have had to figure that out for myself. H won't tell me things i've done that are good or bad, i get no feedback on my behavior.  so it is all conjecture on my part through individual therapy the role i've played.  the guy just won't TALK about anything that matters.  [b]he wasn't always like this.  [/b]clearly. [b] i am a very emotional person[/b] and i would have never fallen in love with somebody who wasn't giving something of themselves.  a one way relationship is pretty lonely.

he doesn't want to separate.  he was divorced before we met (no kids), so a second divorce would likely crush him.  not that it won't crush me, either.  [/quote]

Men have emotions too. My guess is that because "he wasn't always like this" and because you are "clearly... a very emotional person" you have done things that have deeply hurt his feelings and rather than have conflict with you he has withdrawn from you to avoid getting his feeling hurt even more. My guess is that you do not support and respect him in the way he needs. He probably does not feel emotionally safe with you. He probably feels that if he shares his feelings that you will, in some way, look down on him for having those feelings. Because sex appears to be a main issue for you here and because he stopped initiating sex with you my guess is that you made him feel bad for wanting to have sex with you and now rather than feeling bad (e.g., chasing you and getting rejected) he simply doesn't chase after you.

I'm wondering if you has some instance of early childhood trauma or a very religious upbringing that makes you prudish in some way or judgmental about sex. [/quote]

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