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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would absolutely ask.

Was this terrible thing done TO your Mom? That might be the only reason to not ask her. If it had nothing to do with your Mom, I don't see why you wouldn't ask.

[/quote] Because if she had wanted op to know she would have told sometime in the last 40 + years. [/quote]

But it's a two way street. For example, I know that my mother had an affair with one of her best friend's husbands. I know because my older sister saw them together in bed. I was SHOCKED when I found out, because my mother is normally a very moral and honest person.

She has never mentioned this to me, probably because it is really none of my business, the couple eventually divorced and are now dead,  and how does someone even bring that up after so many years? But I would feel 100 percent okay with asking her about it one day if I become insatiably curious, or if I find myself in a place where I might need her insight on infidelity. As adults who love and trust each other, I know that she and I could discuss this respectfully, even if she told me to MMOB.

I guess to me it's not really the be-all and end-all if somebody didn't mention it. They may also be not discussing painful topics because they don't want to burden YOU with unpleasant information about relatives.[/quote]

+1
I think there are some things that just don't come up in normal conversation but that aren't so taboo that the person never wants to talk about it.  My mother died many years ago and I had no idea that she had had an abortion after my sister was born.  She told my sister about it when my sister had an abortion.  My mom died at 56 of a very fast moving cancer, so I'm sure she thought she had plenty of time to tell me about things, including the abortion, as they would be relevant and helpful in my life.  
OP, I would ask your mom, if I were you, in a gentle way and then let it go if it was obviously making her uncomfortable.  How many of the older generation are still alive?   [/quote]

I actually would consider an abortion to be a personal and private matter.  Even the dead are entitled to maintain a certain level of privacy in my opinion.  A child that was born and given up for adoption would be more of a family issue.  [/quote]

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