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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am always suspicious when one person claims to be completmy blameless, which you do.  I do not think BIL and SIL would both act as they have without reason on your part.[/quote]

It does come off as very one-sided.[/quote]

I often agree with this sentiment, but some dysfunctional families really thrive on having an odd man out, their shared dislike of this person gives them something to bond over, and you don't necessarily have to earn the label to be slapped with it. OP may just be the easiest target since she isn't blood.[/quote]

I wonder if the two PP's above have ever known alcoholics or addicts or whether they have ever been in situations with profoundly dysfunctional or mentally ill families.

If you have not, then please understand this:  there is another side.  The profoundly dysfunctional or actively drinking alcoholic or mentally ill individual is ill, sick, in need of help.  But that sickness or illness CANNOT take over the lives of others, and it CANNOT impact children and/or the next generation.  Period.  It has to stop.  And someone has to ensure, for the sake of children, that it does stop.  OP, you're doing an awesome job (and you're putting up with more than most would) and it's essential that you do so that your husband and your children can have a family without the dysfunction and sickness that surrounded your husband growing up.

To that end, your husband doesn't strike me as someone who would want or welcome congratulations or kudos (as well as the thanks you've given him), but boy does he deserve them.  To be as functional as you describe, as supportive as you describe, suggests someone who's done a lot of good, healthy emotional work to stay strong and to create a toxic-free environment to the best of his ability.  (That he got up and walked away when you screamed, however, mildly, and came back and explained why -- he's 'good people').

I wish you and your husband and your child all the best, OP.

PS Given what you were describing and what you are living with and through, your post wasn't too long at all:  you may find more support in other forums regarding dysfunctional families (especially with abusive backgrounds or alcohol and/or drugs playing a major part) but for many of us who've lived through what your husband grew up with -- or who have a level of dysfunction in their families now -- well, let's just say I knew you could have written pages more.....[/quote]

OP here. Thank you so much. And, yes, DH has done all that, and more. He's pretty amazing. I'll look into the other forums- I didn't grow up like DH did, so some insight would be helpful. [/quote]

This!  OP, please listen to the above poster.  My sister married into a dysfunctional family like this (her husband, sadly, is not like your husband.  He's abusive).  Over the years our family tried to placate my brother-in-law and his family to keep the peace for the sake of the children.  Friends warned me not to do it but I felt bad for them.  I thought if I just tried hard enough, I could make them feel better.  What I discovered is that they were emotional vampires who sucked the life out of me and my family.  I now realize that you can't give in to these people because they will just want more.  All it does is feed the beast and teach your children inappropriate boundaries.  Good for your husband for setting boundaries and blocking their texts.  No one has a right to harass you with unwanted texts (I have been on the receiving end on of countless texts and emails that would continue to come despite my asking them to stop).  No is a complete answer and you honestly seem like you do a better job of keeping in touch than most sister-in-laws would.  For you daughter's sake (and your niece's) don't get sucked in.  You and your husband can be an example to both of them with respect to setting healthy boundaries and requiring respect as a prerequisite for any relationship.[/quote]

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