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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I assume that everyone here responding would insist that their children use their words when confronting a peer, so why is it that so many of you are just fine with the BIL angrily grabbing at a four year old girl's legs to the point that she is in tears?  He didn't say, "please don't stand on the couch" or "get off the couch" or even "get off the damn couch."  He said "No, no!" and then grabbed her.  Do all your kids hop to attention the instant you say "no!" and do exactly what you're asking them to read your mind about?  Or are they lost in their own thoughts doing their own thing and it takes them a second to process?  I'm guessing the latter.  That's normal four YO behavior.  Even when doing something that upon reflection they should know not to do.

If he had unemotionally picked her up and set her down, that's no problem.  But getting worked up about a four year old on the arm of your sofa and then grabbing at her when she's clearly scared of you and trying to get away is completely unacceptable.

The fact that he CAME AND APOLOGIZED should tell everyone what they need to know about this interaction.  He was clearly in the wrong or he wouldn't have done so.

This man is clearly not in control of his temper.  I feel sorry for his kids.[/quote]

I would bet he apologized because they were packing up to leave. Drama all around. [/quote]

If you read the OP it sounds like he didn't even know they were packing up.  Just that they had retreated to the guest room because he had reduced two children to tears and screamed in his BIL's face.[/quote]

OP here. That's right; he came right up to the room a few moments later and apologized.  So it wasn't at my SIL's prompting (she wasn't home). And no, he didn't know we were packing; just that we had gone to the room. And we really weren't packing--I shouldn't have said that earlier. We were just discussing packing up and leaving. Although packing up would have meant just putting the bags in the car, because basically everything was still in the bags.

Anyway, I guess I did come here because I was hoping for support, for validation that what my BIL did was wrong. I get it that many of you don't seem to agree.  [/quote]

OP, I'm sorry.  These people are nuts.  I posted a minute ago about my father and I totally understand how this whole incident could have gone down.  This post has zero to do with whether she was doing something she shouldn't because it really doesn't even have that much to do with the fact that he tried discipline your kid.  Correcting someone else's child who is misbehaving in your home is fine.  Your BIL just has a temper and he lashed out in a totally inappropriate way.  But his apology indicates that he knows it.[/quote]

PP, I understand what you're talking about, because I have family with short fuses. But I want to point out that BIL screamed at OP's DH, not the child. Not the same thing.[/quote]

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