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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I assume that everyone here responding would insist that their children use their words when confronting a peer, so why is it that so many of you are just fine with the BIL angrily grabbing at a four year old girl's legs to the point that she is in tears?  He didn't say, "please don't stand on the couch" or "get off the couch" or even "get off the damn couch."  He said "No, no!" and then grabbed her.  Do all your kids hop to attention the instant you say "no!" and do exactly what you're asking them to read your mind about?  Or are they lost in their own thoughts doing their own thing and it takes them a second to process?  I'm guessing the latter.  That's normal four YO behavior.  Even when doing something that upon reflection they should know not to do.

If he had unemotionally picked her up and set her down, that's no problem.  But getting worked up about a four year old on the arm of your sofa and then grabbing at her when she's clearly scared of you and trying to get away is completely unacceptable.

The fact that he CAME AND APOLOGIZED should tell everyone what they need to know about this interaction.  He was clearly in the wrong or he wouldn't have done so.

This man is clearly not in control of his temper.  I feel sorry for his kids.[/quote]

If my 4 year old was standing on someone's couch, I would be fine if someone removed him. He absolutely knows that isn't the right way to act, so he doesn't get warnings to comply. [/quote]

I'm the first PP here.  And so would I.  Except after removing her, he was angrily grabbing at her.  That I would NOT be fine with.  [/quote]

You are assuming that the child politely and compliantly stepped off the sofa arm and was obediently sitting down when BIL angrily grabbed her by the legs and started pulling her off the sofa.

I mean, come on.

Have you ever seen a kid standing on a high piece of furniture that they are not supposed to stand on, like a sofa arm or a table?  They don't compliantly and safely get down whem corrected, unless the adult manually removes them. The dismount usually involves some sort of running, hopping, jumping or other equally inappropriate or dangerous behavior.

The image I have is of the girl defiantly ignoring the initial "No" and then as BIL moves towards her to manually remove her from the dangerous situation she jumps off the arm onto the couch cushions with a series of hopping runs away from him, followed by a belly flop. BIL ended up grabbing her legs vs torso in the process of trying to catch her to remove her from the couch. That is the only scenario that makes sense. I bet if BIL posted here his version would echo what I am envisioning.

(I posted earlier about having a lot of boys. Been there, done that with removing young kids from climbing/jumping on things that they shouldn't and what I described is typical of what usually happens when a kid is doing something like what OP described. There is no way on the planet that OPs daughter just obediently got off the arm and sat down to be grabbed by the legs by BIL. Couches are bouncy and fun. OPs daughter was running/jumping/bounding away across the cushions and she only witnessed the very tail end af the aftermath [/quote]

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