Reply to 10yo embarrased by hairy legs and wants to shave. i am at a loss.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hygiene and grooming are two different things.  I'd say this is a grooming issue on which people have divided views on whether grooming is expected or a matter of vanity.  The answer is obviously informed by social, culturally, and personal values.

In some cultures it is crystal clear that removing leg hair is an essential grooming issue.  In others, it would seem crazy.  I'd say in the US far more people than not believe shaving is a basic of grooming.  others think it is not, with some of the latter saying it's vanity.  There isn't a right answer here, but clearly no one who thinks about this for more than a few minutes would come away with the view that it is a hygiene issue.[/quote]

I agree and it is 100% vanity for 10yr olds.  What if everyone makes fun of her nose, or her freckles, etc...  You have to like yourself.  If you teach your kids to change themselves every time someone says something, they will never be happy. [/quote]

I don't understand responses like this. If she were 16 would you allow dd to shave? Do you shave? You're still changing your body to conform to societal standards, even though you're older. What's the lesson to be learned from being bullied for years until she reaches an arbitrary age, if you're planning on letting her do it eventually anyway?

It's not like driving, dating, drinking, enlisting in the military, etc, in which case being older allows for safer or wiser choices. I just don't understand making them wait. If a parent didn't believe in shaving for some moral or religious reasons, I'd get that more (not really understand, but I think I'd get that more than an arbitrary and inflexible age limit).[/quote]

So do you let your 10yr old wear make-up because it makes her feel better?  Kids think she is ugly and it makes her feel better.  Would you let her?   There is no difference.  10yr old is a CHILD.  There is no reason a child should be doing anything but shampoo and soap.  [/quote]

Dd was in 6th grade when she was 10. We allowed her to wear lip gloss when she asked permission, which was standard among her 6th grade peers. Because we didn't make a big deal out of it, the novelty quickly wore off and she rarely wears it. At Christmas during 7th grade, I asked if she wanted any make up (a lot of her friends are wearing a little make up now) and she said no thanks. I told her to let me know if she changes her mind.

My 9yo has been asking about make up to cover a small scar on her nose from a toddler accident she had. We've played with a few alternatives but have decided together that make up makes it more noticeable, so she stopped asking and has decided it's not a big deal anymore. I told her at some point along the way that we could ask her doctor if she has any recommendations. That led to a plastic surgery discussion. I think she has a healthy attitude about it because her take was basically, most people don't need it but if it helps them feel better about themselves, why not. Some people do need it and they should definitely be allowed to have it (accident victims was her example there). She said she wouldn't ever want to change herself surgically because she likes how she looks.

No one needs more than soap. No one needs long hair, or pretty clothes, or make up, or smooth legs.  Most of us do these things because they make us feel better about ourselves. Kids like to feel good about their appearance too. I just think it's too controlling to make a kid deal with teasing for something that can be fixed by shaving, which is noninvasive and non permanent. [/quote]

So you encouraged your child to wear make-up because some of her friends started?  Why would a mom want their child to wear make-up.  It is so young.  What kind of message are we sending to these girls.

How is NOT dealing with the kids who are teasing the priority, especially over changing your appearance??[/quote]

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