Reply to "Perfect on paper husband," just not in love with him

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, are you a SAHM or do you work?  Whats the division of assets/money?[/quote]

OP. He makes 80% of our HHI. I said initially that I realize this is a problem. I could support myself but I would need child support for the kids in this area, especially since we want them to go to private school. As for dividing assets, I don't know how that would work. Neither of us came into the marriage with much in savings so I guess we would just split what we do have now 50/50?[/quote]

OP, i am glad that you are still checking in after a lot of nonsense that went on in this thread.

i spoke earlier about having a DH like yours, and that our chemistry is gone after 14 years and two young kids.  i had a thought about why you and DH may not have chemistry (understanding that you never did, but this still applies), and it is something to seriously explore with him before walking out.  it is possible that your DH (like mine) does not give readily of himself - his thoughts, feelings, dreams about you, your family, and life in general.  it is lovely to have a dependable, honest, trustworthy and hardworking spouse...but it is HARD to feel passion about somebody who doesn't share with you the things that get him going in life.  or worse, if he doesn't really have anything that gets him going outside of his job.

my DH became like this after a few years together, then i in turn became like this because he would not respond to my trying to initiate these conversations, and i had to deaden  my emotions to get through our every day.  and CLEARLY, there went any chemistry that we had.  after a number of years in this mode, i hit a wall, told him i was deeply unhappy and alone, and i was going to therapy to figure things out.  he said he would go with me.

we have spent many, many months in therapy.  there have been moments when DH has opened up and i felt a spark.  the process is horrifying slow, but it is moving forward and i no longer felt like i was dying inside.

i HIGHLY encourage you to do couples therapy before deciding ANYTHING.  and i will tell you that once you start therapy, it gets worse before it gets better.  but you need to have zero regrets if you decide to leave your DH, and the only way to do that is to really do the work and try everything.

i wish you the best of luck.[/quote]

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