Reply to Can we talk about married sex - nonexpicitly? What is the actual norm?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Honest question, no judgement.

Those that have sex only once a month or the like, do you feel connected and actively in love with your spouse? I know love isn't all sex, I just think that would be an awfully big anvil hanging in the room.[/quote]

I have sex about 5 or 6 times a month with my spouse, but that's not enough to feel connected to him, and I haven't been actively in love with him for over 10 years.[/quote]

Are you suggesting you could or would actively love your husband if you were having more sex?  Just curious about the chicken or the egg thing.  In other words, is the lack of sex because you don't actively love and feel connected to him, or do those feelings result from a lack of sex?  Do you enjoy having sex with him and want more of it even though you don't actively love and feel connected to him?  Just curious as I am in a situation that sounds similar.[/quote]

I think I would feel more connected if we had sex more often. Not having it has the opposite effect. I feel rejected and down. Pleading for it and being told I'm a pervert is horrible. Having him finally decide after two months that he is ready and telling me I should be good to go because I "always want it" is horrifyingly painful. I am so much happier now with my APs and, ironically, more happy/peaceful in my marriage with that tension lifted. And I've realized that actually I don't really enjoy sex with him.[/quote]

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