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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP you lost my respect. Seriously are you living in the 50s? Why do yuo expect fulfillment from your husband? you earn 40K, where is YOUR drive? If money is that important to you get to work.

I am a woman, I earn twice what my husbands make (he earns 60K working for a non profit). Financial stability was much more important to me, so even if I also work in development field I chose the slightly less satisfying but better paid job. I know he wouldn't be happy in my shoes.

In exchange, he is a frugal but happy and professionnally fulfilled husband dedicated to his children (he gets home earlier than me). He wondered at some point if he should go work for big law firms and make more money "for us". I said no, I'd rather have a happy husband.[/quote]

Same situation here.  My husband is a teacher in public school.  He has a master's degree from an ivy, had great earning potential, but wanted to work with kids, have the stability of an academic calendar, and give back to the community.  I, on the other hand, have focused on moving up in my career to fill the financial gap of what is needed to actually survive financially in the DC metro area.  I don't make a huge amount of money, but almost double the pittance that a teacher makes.

Sometime I become wistful about being in a relationship with someone with more drive and ambition.  But the honorable characteristics of my husband are perfectly suited to his current profession.  He's a good and dedicated father and husband.  He has respect in his school amongst his peers and his students.  He's a stand-up guy.  And it means I have to work harder to get my own salary to what makes me comfortable for our HHI.  There are always trade offs.  You have to decide what you can live with, OP.[/quote]

Op here. I understand what you mean. I love my dh. What has always attracted me to him was that he was erudite and a really good guy with a good head on his shoulders. He is incredibly intelligent and kind and generous and works vet very hard in his jobs as he did in his schooling. It's that he never factored in how to maximize his earning potential in the field he chooses to work in. He works in private intelligence and excels at it. And is only bring in $70 at 26 years old. Upon graduation he could've gotten into much more lucrative fields and he just didn't even try. All the while he also says that he wants to earn more so that I can stay home when we have children in about 5 years. We'll see I guess. As others have said, I'll have to up my game.

Men don't realize how much it stresses women out when they opt out of their role as the money maker. We then have to deal with being the primary child care provider AND earning $$$.[/quote]

6:51 poster here, my husband makes what your husband makes after 15 years as a school teacher.  DC is a weird place where if you're not making 6 figures by 25 years old you feel like a "failure."  Well, reality check, a lot of those cops, firemen, teachers, clerks are not pulling in that kind of cash despite hard work and a good education.  Honestly, you'll have to make your peace with it or go to counseling.  The resentment of being expected to be the primary breadwinner if that wasn't your original expectation will destroy your marriage.  I do much less of the child care work because I gave traded flexibility for a better income.  Our financial security is where my focus has to be for my own peace of mind.  My husband is an awesome dad, so it makes sense for him to put his energy toward our child.  Good luck.  Again, counseling!  Try to make it work and if in the end you discover you have different goals and incongruent visions for your future, then you'll have your answer.[/quote]

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