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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Even at a public school, there are fundraisers -- stuff that your kids have to sell, times when you are expected to donate, teacher gifts.  With multiple kids, this can easily be a couple of hundred dollars a year.

Even in a cheap activity like Girl Scouts, you have to sell cookies, pay for a camping trip, a uniform, a badge, your kid will want to go to camp.

When your kids get older, you may be comfortable being the only parent to tell the kid they can't go on the expensive field trip with school, the only one in Spanish class not going to the Mexican restaurant, the only one in the choir not going on the trip to Boston or Disneyworld or something, but [b]many of us prefer not to stigmatize our children[/b].

You may be comfortable never taking your child to a movie, a play, a restaurant, etc.  but your child will feel funny in college if they have never done any of these things.

For the woman above, do you routinely RSVP no to birthday parties?  Do you not hold birthday parties?  On some level, I admire your stance -- but I haven't figured out how to check out of the cycle of consumption without also checking out of modern life and the social circle of neighbors and school friends, etc.  How do you maintain friendships with people if you don't do the same activities?[/quote]

For me it is not about stigma/keeping up appearances/keeping up with the Joneses.  It is about enriching their lives.

[/quote]

I guess I'm just not in the same social circles as you.

Where did I say that my kids didn't go to birthday parties?  Or that they never went to restaurants or plays or traveled?  I said that we spend relatively little on our kids not that they are free.  We have always given to charity so giving to their school is no different and doesn't increase our overall charitable gifts budget.

How much do you spend to attend a birthday party?  Most of the parties my kids get invited to say "no gifts".  Cost = zero.  If we take a gift it's usually $10-15, which is the norm.  And, yes, we've had birthday parties for the kids every year of their lives.  We either hold them at home or at a park.  I never tallied up how much I spent but it's not a big expense.  I make a cake and pizza (both from scratch), we buy some decorations (not expensive) and the kids run around and have fun and play and do what kids do.  most expensive thing has probably been beer and wine for the parents.  But these aren't big dos -- just a handful of kids and their parents.  They are absolutely 100 percent in keeping with what their friends (and our friends) do.  And fun too.

As for enrichment -- we live in the DC area!  I'll admit that my kids have never been to a movie, but that's not been for financial reasons.  This past weekend they had a birthday party (no gift), we went to the Kingman Island Bluegrass Festival (free for kids), to the American History Museum on the Mall (free) and hiked in a nearby state park (free).  They also played soccer with some friends at the local rec center (free).  Far from them missing out, I think we do more with our kids than pretty much any family we know and that they've had more experiences and enrichment than they'd get from me paying hundreds of dollars for them to attend a soccer or karate class or learn violin.[/quote]

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