Reply to Would you feel the same way? MIL inviting herself over

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If your mom did this, would you care? I personally would not (and my mom would do those kinds of things if she lived close), so I wouldn't get mad at MIL for doing the same things. [/quote]

I think the "If she lived close" part indicates that you haven't exactly lived it. What looks good on paper can be very disruptive in real life. Plus, Op is not you.  It's o.k. to ask people (even moms and MILs) not to just drop by [b]w/o notice [/b]if that is not comfortable to you.  Op needs to be able to relax in her own home.[/quote]

The MIL DID give notice! [/quote]

And she was told that it was not a good time[b] but opted to come anyway[/b].  And Op was not aware that she was dropping by.  Maybe Op's husband thought that he had been clear enough that it wasn't a good time and that she would take the hint?  [/quote]

No....the DH relented!  There is a difference.  [/quote]

He "relented" because she is pushy and he has a hard time saying no to his mom.[/quote]

So?  He gave her persmission to come over.  She needs to talk to her DH about being more firm.  Besides that, we don't how hard DH even pushed back.  He may have told his wife that he tried to hold the fort because he probably saw she was annoyed. [/quote]

So MIL being pushy and not taking "no" for an answer is o.k,?  You think that Op should just suck it up and accept that that's just the way it's going to be? It sounds as though Op's dh was caught in the middle - afraid to tell his mom "No. You can't come over now" and afraid to tell his wife that Mom was on the way because he knew that would tick his wife off.  And it did.

[/quote]

You guys cannot have it both ways.  90% of the people on here say that everyone should deal with their own parents.  Here, OP's DH GAVE PERMISSION for his mother to swing by.  I do not care if she was pushy or not, he is supposed to be able to hold the line with his own mother.  If he will not or cannot, OP's issue should be with him.  IMO, you can be mad for her wanting to come by and see her family or you can be mad at him for not having the balls to tell her firmly no.  I choose to take issue with the person who is supposed to enforce the boundaries that we mutally set.  To each her own. [/quote]

MIL is responsible for being a pushy pain.  She is.  Op's dh needs to deal with her but that doesn't mean that the MIL is not responsible for her own behavior.  I have sons and I can not imagine putting them in that position and I hope and pray that I have the wisdom not to.[/quote]

Put him in what position?  Come on.  I know that most of you are anti-MIL, but this MIL does NOT sound like a pushy pain to me and I KNOW what pushy pain MIL is. [/quote]

To clarify...

Not Pushy:  "Hi, son.  Would now be a good time for me to pop by and get that casserole dish?"

"No, not now we're in the middle of some things."
                   
                   "O.k., when would be a good time then?"

Pushy:  "Hi, son.  I'm on my way over to get that casserole dish.  'Kay?"
            
            "Uh, um this is not really a good time"

"Well, I'm almost there now.  Can I drop by or not?"
            
             "Uh, um, I guess"

In one situation you are *asking* if you can come over in the other situation you are *informing* that you ARE coming over.  See the difference?[/quote]

LOL!  This may be the way that my family communicates, but neither one of those exchanges would bother me one bit or deter my DH from saying emphatically "Mom, do NOT come over here today. I will call you tomorrow."  And TBH, if my DH "permitted" his mom to come by, I would not be on here saying that MIL was at fault. I would be talking to him about being more resolute with her.

That's fine though.  We are both entitled to our way of doing things.  I expect my MIL to respect our marriage but, like I said in another post, we are a pretty "live and let live" type of family.  We don't step lightly and kiss her butt and she does not step lightly or kiss our butt.  She is our family and, since she is widowed and we are her closest family, we give her wide berth - and I insisted on that.  Better than her sitting at her house all alone.  But like I said, we all have our way.  [/quote]
That is how we live as well. I do not see how any one wants to be friends with, married to or in any other way be bothered with these other tight behind heffas who cannot handle grandma asking to thaw your kid to the park .
[/quote]

Again this is how you ASK:  "Hi son.  I would love to take Timmy to the park this afternoon the weather is so beautiful!  Would that be o.k.?"

This is how you TELL someone that you ARE taking the kid to the park:  show up with no notice and in front of preschooler say:  "Who would love to go to the park today with Grammy?  I knew that you would!  DIL we'll be back by 5pm and we can all have dinner together.  See ya!"[/quote]

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