Reply to Do you, the mother, tell your child when he/she has hurt your feelings?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My almost 9 year old has been saying some really hurtful things when he is in the throws of a major tantrum. He has problems managing strong emotion, and when he's really mad he lashes out and I am the usual target. So, yes I do tell him when he has hurt my feelings. I wait until the tantrum has passed and we are talking about what happened, but he he needs to understand that words have power and that saying mean things to people, even when you are really angry, isn't acceptable. I think he is old enough to understand how his actions effect others. A toddler, however, isn't ready for that. [/quote]

A toddler is absolutely ready for that.  A toddler can be taught that verbal acting out is hurtful just as they can be taught that physical acting out is hurtful.  They may not quite understand the depth of the situation, but they also don't really understand other people feeling physical pain that they don't feel (and yet, again, you can still teach them to not hit).[/quote]

Agreed.  The other day my two year old told her dad that she didn't like him.  I told her that it makes Daddy sad when she says things like that, because Daddy loves her very much.  She then hugged her daddy and told him she was sorry.  He gave her a big hug and thanked her for apologizing.  Then they read some books.

Now, pardon me if I don't think that interactions like that are going to scar my child forever...[/quote]

I'm the PP you quoted. I meant that a toddler isn't ready for the kind of in depth discussions I have with my 9 y/o. I agree that a toddler can understand in basic terms that saying unkind things (or hitting) is harmful to other people and not acceptable. [/quote]

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