Reply to Do you, the mother, tell your child when he/she has hurt your feelings?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is tricky because those who have had BAD experiences with this as a child probably had the kind of parents that did other things that made for unhealthy emotional dynamics in the hone but its kind of impossible for those who suffered in those homes as kids to tease that out- its one big mess.

If you had loving, kind, nonmanipulative stable  parents that used the personal "my feelings" instead of the 3rd person "people's feelings" when teaching this lesson, my guess is it probably wasn't that big a deal or scarring.

Things like this don't happen in a bubble. If your kids are feeling responsible for your feelings and happiness then you are doing more than just saying "when you call me dumb that hurts my feelings". Just like if you are parenting in a way where the kids feel safe and stable emotionally, uttering that phrase instead of saying "words can hurt people's feelings, we don't say those things" isn't going to saddle the kid with baggage, they will learn and move on.[/quote]

+1. I had supportive, stable, emotionally healthy parents who set good boundaries, and if my mom had told me that I hurt her feelings because I said something mean to her, it would have meant nothing more than exactly that, which is the truth and a valuable lesson. [/quote]

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