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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Many here seem to be missing the point.  No, it's not BIL's responsibility to help out.  But if he doesn't want to or is not able to help, then he shouldn't be doing the, "oh, I will help out when you are deployed" and "oh, I can probably come over and help you" and then flake out. People who are all talk and no action are the worst.[/quote]

Well, we don't know what help OP asked for.  It's possible that he offered to help, but his idea of "help" was in an emergency or in a situation where OP was really in a bind.  OP's idea of "help" might be free, unlimited babysitting.

It's very unclear what exactly OP was asking him to do. [/quote]

OP here. I had surgery last year. It would have been nice if BIL could just play with the kids for a few hours so I could just lay in bed in pain. Painkillers made me drowsy. There were a few times where one of the kids had a birthday party to attend where BIL said he could watch one kid. BIL said he would take the kids so I could attend my friend's birthday brunch. Each incident is not a big deal but it has left a bad taste in my mouth.

I have learned that paid help is better than unreliable family help. I am trying not to hold a grudge but it is hard.[/quote]

I can understand needing that kind of help.  Details make a difference.  Now you know he can't be relied on.  I hope you can find the support you need next time.[/quote]

OP here. DH has since resigned from the military. He got a new job that pays about triple what he was earning in the military. He will still travel but for short period of time. The difficulty with his deployment was that he was gone for such a long period of time and since he was not gone for a year, he couldn't even take leave to visit us.[/quote]

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