Reply to How to talk race and diversity with a preschooler?

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Reply to "How to talk race and diversity with a preschooler?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The all caps and VERY CLEAR RIGHT AWAY comment clearly gave many of is the impression of someone swooping in on their child with the kind of severe reaction that gets a kid's attention and lets the kid know they have done something very wrong. In addition, the fact that the other discussion we've suggested strike you as insufficient shows they you want the parent to be really emphatic. This is a 3.5 year old. Plenty of kids will do what it takes to avoid that kind of strong reaction from mom again, which means not saying anything racist to mom but doesn't mean not thinking it or saying it elsewhere. [/quote]

Ok -- let me be clear, I do not believe that emphatic suggests yelling, shaming, screaming, or being mean.
By, emphatic I mean very clear, very straightforward, and that this is a very important topic. 
To me, the subject of how we talk about and think about people is just as important as safety issues, does anyone think being emphatic about safety issues is wrong?
I was emphatic with my child about this issue, and we have an open dialogue. It started when DC was a preschooler. 
I truly do not understand your line of thinking -- it really baffles my mind.[/quote]

You are emphatic about not running into the street because what you care about is action. With racism we care about thought, not just deeds. You can't force a person to have a particular thought. You have to teach it, show them, make sure they come back to you with doubts and fears. [/quote]
Everything you said about running in the street applies to race. And I hate to break it to you, but racism is not just thoughts, it's also actions. Just like I teach that we don't play with fire and later talk about fire hurting and consequences of actions, same thing applies to race. Makes no sense to think that telling a kid not to identify people by race is going to prevent them from feeling comfortable talking to you about thoughts and fears, etc. related to race. it is an ongoing education and conversation....why is that hard to understand.[/quote]

I'm going to try this one more time and then stop.
1) I clearly state that what we care about is thoughts and deeds. You don't have to break anything to me. I stand by my position that if you effectively deal with the thoughts, good actions will follow, whereas if you squelch the words but not the thoughts, you have a problem that is now harder to fix.

2) Thus, my obvious concern is that if you come down too strongly on a young child you effectively stop the words but not the thoughts. Surely you aren't taking the position that it is impossible to scare a kid into silence or outward submission by coming on too strong. Racism is a terrible dreadful thing that cuts at the center of humanity. If I tell my child anything like that, even in childish language, the first time she or he at 3yo says something that is racist, I have clearly told the child they have done something terrible. But the message we want to convey is not "you're terrible" but "that statement is untrue, let me show you how you already know it to be untrue."  And beyond that, "let me continue to discuss with you how it is untrue by making this a topic you the child feel comfortable raising with me."  We can disagree about how to get that across but unless you are saying children don't ever stop engaging on topic in response to a strong parental reaction, we have to agree that this is a possibility and one to be avoided. I'll say again, avoided not to protect the feelings of the 3yo over other kids, but to get to our goal, which is to extinguish racist thoughts, words, and actions.[/quote]

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