Reply to How to approach a friend in total denial

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[quote=Anonymous]So OP are you thinking your friend is trying too hard or not hard enough?  Who wants to accept that nothing will change with a mentally ill son??  And where do you think he is supposed to live?  She is trying to save his life.  Yes, in an ideal world there would be a positive environment where a young mentally ill man could live and have fantastic therapeutic services for as long as they are needed but I don't think that exists.  If your friend doesn't have her son at home she might be even more overcome by worry and stress.

You should know that the prefrontal cortex of the brain is still in development phase until age 25+ for males.  That is the part of the brain that has to do with executive function--planning, organization, emotional regulation, etc.  Some people need longer at home to mature and have the skills to handle life.  Maybe with all of their efforts he'll get stabilized and launch a little later.

Also, if she is coming to you and feels she is at the end of her rope, let her get there.  Then she knows she is making her own decisions that sit well with HER heart instead of caving to well-meaning advice from others who can't possible know what she is dealing with, her feelings as a parent, and what she already knows.

I'm sorry it's hard for her other son.  That is very hard.  But he has a brother who is mentally ill for the time being and no matter what treatment and residential situation they find, the fact doesn't change.  It also could end up worse than it is now.

You are kind to take your friend to the spa.  That's a good role for you to have.  Be a friend.  If she talks about her situation, let her know you are concerned and you wish so much you could help them get their family situation back to what it was and ask how you can help.  If you are concerned about her younger son you can bring that up to whatever degree you think is appropriate.  That information may help her see the big picture.  Ask her if she needs a sounding board to make a pro and con list for different decisions she is considering.  Be an "objective" ear and don't assume she doesn't know what she's doing.  Trust me, her fears for her son are greater than yours.  That is not being in denial.  She wants to know she is doing everything she can.  People at that age grow and change a tremendous amount.  I wouldn't write someone that young off as a lost cause ever. [/quote]

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