Reply to Sister says 14yo nephew not coming to my wedding because of his sports tournament. Thoughts?

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Reply to "Sister says 14yo nephew not coming to my wedding because of his sports tournament. Thoughts?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP: In our school they are very vindictive if you miss a tournament for ANY reason. They just are. So nephew will be sitting on the bench unless he is a star for the rest of the season. I would let him miss the wedding.[/quote]

This. My DC is a starting player in his varsity team and is a freshman. He would definitely be penalized for missing a tournament even a practice. The coach would likely tells us it's okay to attend the wedding but penalized him anyway. Coaches make examples out of players to retain control. If their mind if they allow any excuse other than injury and illness, other players will take advantage and that can derail team spirit. I would have considered it if my kid was playing on a freshman team. Making Varsity as a 14 year old is a big deal; you don't miss games. Missing for a funeral is a different story,  the coach might be able to relate, otherwise, it is a subjective call and a tough call for your sister.[/quote]
I have had the same experience as these posters.  My kids' club team coaches would have zero problem with them missing a game for a wedding, even if it was a big game, and they would not penalize them.  Their high school soccer coaches?  Totally different story.

[b]Unless the nephew has an unusually decent high school coach,[/b] there is a strong chance that he will suffer for the decision to skip the wedding, especially given that this will be the first games he has ever played with the high school team.  There goes his chance to make a good impression at the start of his high school career.  That sort of thing actually can be a make or break moment in a 14 year old's life.

With respect to OP's question about whether the answer would be different if it were a girl, I'd say no--exactly the same calculus (maybe moreso if she's a high school star, as she's more likely to get a soccer scholarship or admissions bump than a similaly abled boy).  I can't easily imagine a situation where a ten year old would face any serious repercussions for missing a sports event, so in that case it seems like an easy decision to attend the wedding.   [/quote]

Here's one way to find out. If the guy's a dick, why do you even want your kid on his team?

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