Reply to Sister says 14yo nephew not coming to my wedding because of his sports tournament. Thoughts?

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Reply to "Sister says 14yo nephew not coming to my wedding because of his sports tournament. Thoughts?"

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[quote=Anonymous]I'm going to be a little bit of a dissenter, but not exactly.

I agree with the parents that nephew has the choice to go or not go to wedding. And I don't think he should be vilified no matter his response.

We teach young adults to stick with their commitments (sports teams, etc.), but then get upset when they commit. Or get upset when they don't. The point is- he's made a commitment to his team to be there. And I think it's important to foster that... That sometimes, when you make commitments,you is other things. In this case, it feels to you like a diss. But, you're the adult. He made a commitment to his team, and should be lauded for following through.

You rearranged dates for your niece... I understand that you can't rearrange any mor, but your nephew shouldn't be punished because he came second in his parents priorities. There's actually something a little sad in there. Be proud, instead.

Also keep in mind that it is normal at that age for behavior to be more influenced by peers than the adults in your life. He is starting to be independent.

OP, I understand you're 40, and obviously looked long and hard for someone to spend the rest of your life with. That being said... You really can't expect a 14 year old boy to understand that, appreciate that, or even really more than slightly get that. Lifelong love to them is an abstract concept, like the quadratic equation. A wedding to most 14 year olds is a long day with a bunch of adults that's kind of boring, even if you do get to hang with your cousins. Or maybe it's boring because you have to hang with your cousins.

I'd let this go. You're 40. Appreciate that he has not travelled your path. Be proud that he sticks to his guns. Tell him that he's missing a great day, but that you'll let him take you and your new husband to dinner. [/quote]

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