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[quote=Anonymous]I would say I have been "free" of BPD behavior for about 14 years, but to be honest things pop up now and then. I am just way, way more aware of it and I handle it right away.

When I have bad urges I have internalized a mechanism in my head, a voice if you will, that tells me to cool it and NOT act on my impulses. One of the benefits of getting older (I am mid-40s) is patience and maturity and realizing that emotions pass. Still, I am not perfect. But when I make a mistake I really try to own it. I never do the terrible things like abandoning, walking away, emotionally shutting down, yelling, etc. But I can be sensitive to rejection from loved ones. Little tiny things that others would brush off. But now I tell myself, this isn't real, this is your neuroses and it helps me let it go. So does my SSRI!

BPDs live in a heightened emotional state and often that mood seems permanent. It seems like a TRUTH. And one that must be DEALT with. Very exhausting to be around, as those of you who know BPDs must know.

As far as my relationships, it is interesting that I have pretty much lost contact with almost all my friends from my youth and young adulthood. Not all, but most. And the reason is it takes two to tango -- meaning I was not healthy for them and frankly they were not healthy for me. Remember, the only people who put up with BPDs are people with their own issues.

Crazy people (and I use that term affectionately) have a high tolerance for other crazy people. They don't judge each other as much and they can engage in all sorts of co-dependent BS that healthy people would run screaming form. As I got "healthier" my tolerance lessened and my less-stable friendships disappeared. Being married to a wonderful, loving stable, calm man has been the greatest influence on my change. Everyday he models stable behavior for me and his unconditional love now feels normal.

The biggest problem in my "change" has been with my mother, who is BPD herself and brought me up in a very enmeshed psychological relationship and has felt hurt and abandoned as I detangled from her. We still have issues with boundaries and her BPD behavior. She will never change.[/quote]

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