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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hi OP, my brother has undiagnosed BPD.  I have basically cut all ties with him because he sabotages every single relationship he has ever had and I simply can't trust him at all.  The relationship is not worth the emotional abuse he  delivers and the constant meddling and need to know from him just got too exhausting.

Anyway in order to understand what I was dealing with, and also to help my sister in law through their divorce I ended up reading "Stop Walking on Eggshells" (Mason and Kreger) as part of a recommendation here.  It was very helpful for me to hear the examples in the book that are exactly like my brother.  They give ways to respond to situations and emphasize that you can only control your reaction to a situation and that you can't change that person.  In many instances the behavior stems from a fear of abandonment.  Oh the irony considering this is exactly what my brother did to his wife (soon to be ex-wife) and his kids.

Highly recommend the book for specific things to avoid and suggestions for interacting with a person who has BPD.[/quote]

Hi.  OP here.  I'm sorry that you're going through this too and I know it is painful.  Did you know that Randi Kreger has a website?  I spent some time looking at it yesterday and her information on the dynamics of relationships with BPDs is really eye-opening.  What I learned is that they push you away out of fear that you will abandon them first.  It helps them regain a sense of control over the situation and manage fear.  If you think about it from their POV, it makes sense.  It doesn't make it any easier to be on the receiving end of that, but at least it makes sense and takes some of the bewildering "why is this happening?" feeling away.  If I can at least understand a little of bit of what is driving this, I think it will help take the sting out of it a bit and help me determine how to react in ways that are ultimately more constructive for keeping lines of communication open.  I hear you that it is exhausting and understand that you have to do what you have to do.  I've been there.  But at the moment I don't feel right shutting my sister out completely.  I hope your family is doing okay, especially the kids, and wish you the best.  [/quote]

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