Reply to If DH is a law firm partner, must I be the default parent?

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Reply to "If DH is a law firm partner, must I be the default parent?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is is why I SAH--so that there is always one of us available to make sure the kids are covered.  On any given day, my DH can cover kid appointments/emergencies/activities, he just can't do it (on weekdays) with the regularity required when you have kids.

That being said, he does the majority of the kid stuff when he is home and has done about half of the Christmas shopping for the kids (Amazon makes it pretty easy).[/quote]

This is also a big part of why I became a SAHM. Five years later, though, I'm really missing my career and want to go back to work, except the process of getting back into my old field while also being the default parent and having a biglaw partner husband who doesn't have a lot of flexibility is daunting at best. [/quote]

I WOH but this is exactly why I never judge anyone for WOH, SAH or whatever.  DH works and travels a lot but I have a ridiculously flexible job, and my parents are very, very, hands on.  DD goes to preschool, and my dad watches DS and takes care of preschool pickup and drop off.  On her days off of work, mom pitches in (and is retiring to help take care of the kids too).  They often call on the weekends to ask if they can come watch the kids for a few hours in case we have things we would like to do. There is no way on earth we'd be able to manage without my work flexibility and my parents.  Of course, I am still the default parent and it makes me crazy, oh well...[/quote]

Thanks for this post.  My DH is a big law partner and we have one 16 month old and another baby on the way.  I have a Ph.D., but am now working just 10 hours a week for an old professor to keep my CV current.  I can't tell you the number of times women have made a snide or dismissive comment to me about being a SAHM, mostly women that DH works with.  But, I really don't think that I have any other choice given the fact that DH works 90 hours a week, we have no family that can help out, and we have to pay for (and arrange in advance) every minute that one of us isn't with our son. We could afford to just pay for tons of childcare and I could work full-time, but I would still be solo parenting most of the time on top of working for very little money after paying for childcare. Some of the women who have made mean comments to me have gone on to talk about how her MIL watches the baby during the day or her parents take the kids for sleepovers almost every weekend.  I would work a lot more hours also if I had a back up system like that, so it feels extra mean spirited to pick on me for SAH without one.  I wish people would think about the fact that the details of everyone's lives are different before they pass judgment on other people's choices.  Good for you for your generosity. [/quote]

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