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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]First of all, I am SO frustrated by the preaching, the 'it's not a sermon' (but it is), the .... butting in and intruding.  No one asked for comments about whether a parent's shopping list was excessive, or sending the wrong message, or anything else.  The original post was not "what do you think about the quantity of or cost of the items I'm giving my 8-10 year old son for Christmas."

Second of all, the most important gifts any of us can give our children are intangibles such as compassion, quality attention, and modeling behaviors -- including minding your own business.

So, poster who had some thoughts about the 'excessive' gifting one parent chose for her child:  if your child came home and said "Mom, I went up to a kid I don't know well at school and told her that she was wearing clothes that were inappropriate for someone her age because they are too expensive and name-brand and she shouldn't be wearing name-brand shoes, socks, skirt, top, coat, and gloves all at the same time," what would you say to your child?

Or what if, down the road, your child decides to go to a private four-year university, and comes home shaken because someone has come up to him and said "you know, I realize I don't know you well or even at all, but I heard you were wasting your money on a private school when there's a much better choice here in state and you're going to send the wrong message to your younger siblings and even to your own children, wasting money like that on a private education.  What kind of values are you promoting, anyway?  And what kind of parents do you have that would even let you waste money like that?  What's wrong with you?

I know, I know.  You're going to say "Those are ridiculous and far-fetched analogies  No one would EVER go up to someone on the street or in a store and tell them to their face how to spend their money or what kind of lesson they were teaching others.  And the cost of education as a value is ENTIRELY different than a Christmas gift."

Of course these are ridiculous and far-fetched analogies -- I'm making them that way on purpose.  But the inherent message that you are sending not only here but perhaps "IRL" (for I honestly don't believe that what people post online or elsewhere is always that different than how they 'live' their lives-- that it's okay to make value judgments about someone based on their choices, without being asked to make such judgments and with NO other context -- is what matters here.

When you practice judging, preaching, or offering opinions in an unsolicited fashion, you are sending the message that it's okay to do so.  In my opinion, it's not -- and it's REALLY not good to model that for your children.

But hey, you didn't ask me, did you?  See how it feels to get judged by a total stranger when all you wanted was to post a few thoughts -- unsolicited?

Sigh....and I thought this forum could be a place where I'd get some ideas about Christmas gifts......

[/quote]

Thanks for the support - I'm the poster with the long list and I typed the whole list in order to give ideas because maybe it includes something a person hadn't thought of.  I like reading this type of thread because they do give me ideas.

I don't understand why people feel the need to knock it or say my child will end up a bankrupt adult because, at Christmas, he receives a lot of things he wants.   He's the sweetest child and has never been selfish with anything, he does well in school, so why not spoil at the holidays and if other people prefer a more simple holiday, that's great, too.

And, to the others who showed no judgement towards me, thank you![/quote]

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