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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]did you know about it? How did you find out and what age were you? How did this change your view of that parent? [/quote]
When I was 10 yrs old I found a father's day card addressed to my father but it wasn't from me.  I asked my mother about it and she said she didn't know anything. The following year, my father's then girlfriend told me that he had two children by my teenage pre-school teacher.  I was the only one who didn't know.  My mother knew each time the woman was pregnant because her BFF worked at the same hospital where my father and the teenager showed up for prenatal visits.  My mother left my father when those children were 8 mos and 20 mos.

I was expected to just accept them, embrace them as siblings and move on; no discussion, therapy, apologies, nothing.  Meanwhile my mother was humiliated, hurt, embarrassed and bitter.  How do you have a relationship with two people who were brought into this world in less than ideal circumstances and not cause your mother immense pain?  You can't... so you align yourself with your mother while your father's family hates you and constantly reminds you that you have two siblings and that you are selfish and that "you can't expect your father to make you a priority"...

Fast forward 30 years and I still feel lost and somewhat unwanted.  My father is a broke, irresponsible man who ALWAYS needs something.  My mother is a bitter, narcissistic, spiteful, insecure person who causes me much anxiety.  She also told me when I was 15, "if I had it to all over again I would never have children."  My children love both of my parents and I am grateful that they have living healthy grandparents.  It's a conundrum wrapped in a mystery because I could move to a distant land and not be at all concerned about living far away from my parents.  My children should have fond memories of their grandparents (as did I) so I stay close.  My parents love my children in a way that they weren't capable of loving me.  Was it me?  Who knows.  My children are pretty special and loved by many people so I understand the draw.

I'm not a religious person nor am I particularly spiritual but I have the most amazing spouse and children.  I have a solid nuclear family and I am so grateful and blessed.  I have to believe that the universe provided for me in a way so that my heart and spirit wouldn't be completely shattered forever.[/quote]

Oh my dear.... I hope you are in therapy for all this.  It's terrible, really.  [/quote]

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