Reply to My married friend told me that he's gay...

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "My married friend told me that he's gay..."

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]A lot of the responses don't take into account that this isn't the same as a man falling for another woman. If he was straight he could very well do some work with his wife to rekindle the love that was once there. In this case that possibility doesn't exist. It is just a life sentence of compounding issues. Just because you made poor decisions doesn't mean you should keep making them.[/quote]

NP here.  I haven't read all the comments, so perhaps someone else has already addressed this, but it is very much the same as a straight man falling out of love with his wife and in love with another woman.  Getting hung up on "equipment" is an irrelevant distraction.

There are plenty of straight couples where the genetalia of the partners isn't the cause of the irreconcilable difference; they simply cannot sort out their disagreements about money, drinking, career, religion, etc. These things are real.  There are times when, kiddos or no, the best course of action is an amicable divorce, rather than a state of prolonged war at home.  I think the OP is right about people not always just "sucking it up" and "honoring their commitment".  You cannot get blood from a turnip (or a rock) and people cannot fake love and happiness 24/7.

All that said: I agree that romantic love (infatuation) waxes and wanes; that sexual attraction and libido wax and wane, and that sometimes you have to 'work at it'.  I have seen people build up an 'excuse' to dynamite and escape a relationship.  I've seen women pull this "I'm really gay" routine on men as a way of coming up with a "legitimate" excuse to just leave - they don't want to be the "bad guy" so they have to conjure up something "out of my control" in order to have a doctor's note to get out of the marriage (mostly to be guilt free).

I think this guy should go to counseling to see what's really going on - is the emotional affair (like most of them) really about a bad/broken connection with his wife?  Could he be a bisexual who just happened to meet a charismatic gay dude instead of a female co-worker, who is giving him the illusion (because it's an affair, not a real relationship) of "all the things I'm missing in my marriage".

I'm going with classic affair symptom (where the affair is the symptom) over "I can't live a lie about my orientation".  Either way, he needs to sort it out with a pro before talking to his wife...and no, that is NOT "suck it up" and live in denial...which is the answer to many people suggests shows "morals" and "character".  Living in denial and misery is not "character" nor is it particularly "moral" to subject people to living a lie (whether the lie is about your orientation or your love).  [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics