Reply to My married friend told me that he's gay...

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]As a bi married man, let me provide my perspective.  I am monogamous and have no desire to have sex with men or women other than my wife.  And my wife knew about my history when we met.

It is incredibly scary for a man to find out he is turned on by other guys.  Girls Gone Wild kissing each other and men think its great, two guys kiss and everyone thinks it's disgusting.  When it happened to me early 20's, and I had never thought that I was gay or bi before that, it was terrifying.  I had to rethink, who am I? what is my attraction?  how will my life be?

For these men who are married and realize they are gay, they have gone through an enormous amount of internal torture.  They are ashamed, disappointed, and feel they will be rejected by everyone they have ever known.  They hurt for their spouse, whom they have obviously loved and worry about if they will ever be close to their children.

I understand posters saying the husband should man up, take responsibility, etc. but unless you have walked in the shoes of someone confused about their sexuality, please don't pass judgment too hastily.
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Thank you for your perspective; however, just because a man has fears of rejection and is internally tortured doesn't give him the right to deceive a woman and cause her internal torture and rejection. [b] If  a closeted man truly loved their spouse they would be open from the start, tell her the truth, and give the woman the free will choice to be in the relationship or end it[/b].[/quote]

I agree with what you are saying.  My point is that some of these men have not even accepted that they are gay, let along be able to tell someone.  If there is any deception, it is self deception.  Nonetheless, there should be a point when two people are considering marriage where if one or more of the couple is having difficulties determining their orientation, they should admit it, whether or not they have determined what it is.[/quote]

Is it really self deception if the man knows he is attracted to men and has had sexual contact with men? [/quote]

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