Reply to What is Just Compensation for a "Life Lost"?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You did not lose your life in any form of legal sense so better not to use that phrase[/quote]

She loses sympathy w me bc of this phrase. At least she is working and admits DH is offering her 50%. He doesnt seem to be trying to screw her. She comes off as being greedy.[/quote]
I agree.  and OP, you gave up future earning potential by choice.  He didn't force you.[/quote]

But I think that's her point- her career was put on the backburner for his - does he owe her anything for this?[/quote]

Absolutely, yes, IMO.  Too often women are forced to make "choices" that really aren't good for THEM.  They make "choices" because it is in the best interests of the "family" and then later it works out that there is no more "family" (for any number of reasons) and the woman is left having sacrificed for something that didn't bring long term benefit to herself.  This is the story of women's lives since the beginning of history.  We are expected to do this, and everything about the way we are raised and the way employment is structured for women encourages us to make these trade offs to benefit others (men and children).

OP, I'm sorry that your husband never valued you enough to stop and really focus on why you were unhappy and ask how your joint life could be structured to create a solid job/career for you.  That sucks.  But, it sounds like there is nothing to be done about that now.

You need to listen to the advice of a lawyer about whether the spousal support offered is reasonable under the law  and if you could get more by negotiating more or going to court.  If you are unsure about your lawyer's advice, by all means get another opinion.  Any attorney will be happy to give you one for the price of one or two hours of discussion.  Some attorneys are known for valuing collaboration, some are "tougher", so they may have different views about what is possible or where there is room to negotiate.  You have to do a cost/benefit analysis based on what you hear from the attorneys.   I'd ask particularly about the house/mortgage valuation.  There are tax implications as to how he pays the 1/3 of the mortgage, probably (as mortgage straight to the holder or as alimony which has tax implications for you both).  Also, why don't you get 50% of the value of the rental property?  Was it bought or paid for in any way during the marriage?  If so, then it should be split 50/50.  What you describe is that he gets all of the equity in the smaller property and 50% of the equity in the main house.  That doesn't make sense to me.  Also, how is what is in his pension different from what you are "legally entitled to"?  Again, if you have been married for a long time, then 50/50 on the pension would be what I would think is correct, unless your STBX had substantial retirement funds prior to meeting you.  What about you?  Did you and he prioritize any retirement fund payments for you during the marriage?  If not, it sounds like neglecting your own retirement fund paid for his retirement fund or other running expenses of the house/marriage/child.  Plus, working less means that you will get less Social Security when you are eligible.  Child support according to the state formula for how long?  Re-evaluated how often?  What happens if he gets a raise?  What happens if your income goes up?  Is the state child support formula enough to cover what you reasonably need in terms of child care now to work more hours at a higher paying job?  There are many Qs that need to be answered.

Unfortunately, what is "reasonable" under the law is different from what is "reasonable" in terms of morally and ethically correct.  It sounds like your spouse doesn't get that you've made any sacrifices and doesn't see any difference between how things can be split "fairly" and how he is obligated to split things "legally".  If this is the case, I would really focus on getting 50/50 of all marital assets and considering what you want in terms of child support and custody that would make you happy and give you a chance to excel in a career.  For example, if you have custody 4-5 work days a week, will you really be able to work at a job with higher earning potential?  What are the arrangements for "child support" in terms of having a babysitter or daycare after school so that you don't have to rush home and pick up DC?  [/quote]

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