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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thank you all for your answers. DH and I talked about this all weekend. Although it's not happening weekly, over the years yes, people have made comments to other adults right in front of me and in front of DD about her looks. Yes, people have fawned over my other two kids right in front of DD. Other kids have absolutely excluded DD and their parents have just shrugged at me like "Kids. What are you going to do? So fickle!"

DD does have various interests that we help her pursue and we do focus a lot on personality rather than looks in our family. DH and I HAVE spoken strongly with MIL about her comments regarding DD's looks. It's basically a yearly argument.

We spoke with our other two kids and told them we want for our entire immediate family to skip the portrait this summer and why. I am embarrassed to not have thought of this myself - thank you for the idea - when we told DD she was very happy. So happy in fact that she asked if she can still be part of the "cousins picture" that's informally taken on a staircase with all the kids.

Regarding the plastic surgery, DD is beautiful and adorable to us, absolutely. But we can also recognize that she isn't those things to others, and that DD picks up on that. She started asking several years ago, when she first found out what plastic surgery was, if she could get it. We've told her we'll discuss it when she is finished growing, but DH and I have already agreed privately the answer is yes. I won't apologize for this - if we can do something so others can see her the way we do then we will. [/quote]

Thanks for posting OP! Good luck. She may just need to feel heard by her family in a few of these types of situations to build her self esteem. It may be that once, someone made a comment at this photo tradition and that she hasn't been able to shake it. My husband has been reading a lot of books on thimpact fathers can have on their daughters self esteem. Maybe look into some of those. Her father can really help here....[/quote]

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