Reply to Niece called me hysterical. Teen pregnancy, brother kicked her out

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Niece called me hysterical. Teen pregnancy, brother kicked her out"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We planned how many bedrooms we needed based on the number of kids we have. We had our kids at a specific point in our lives. We have a three bedroom small house. We don't really have a good space for a teenager. And her potential baby. We planned our family, financially. That's all I'm saying. It's one thing when you take in a child or two because their parents died, through no fault of their own. It's entirely another when a teenager goes wild and gets kicked out of her house while pregnant and asks to be taken in.[/quote]
Last sentence says it all.   I think the PP who was raised (unhappily) by the teenage parents had the best advice.  Just start asking your niece questions as she "thinks this through".  Do not volunteer support and politely decline to provide it if asked.

"Can I live with you and have the baby?"
"Umm, no, honey.  I already have kids to raise, and we don't have the space here to do that---this baby is your responsibility---so let's talk about what that means."

Then, "So how do you plan to support yourself?  Oh---public assistance, huh?  Well, let's sit down and do the math on that.  Give her the stats for welfare, food stamps, section 8.  Look at the rental ads so she can see the cost of housing.  Ask her if she plans to continue school.  When she says yes---show her the costs of childcare and ask how she is going to afford it.

When she says she'll get a job, ask what she thinks she is qualified to do at 15?  If she says, "Starbucks", then show her how much a minimum wage barrista makes.
Just provide lots of data.  Help her build a spreadsheet.  Explain that if she wants to go to the movies she will need a sitter.  Explain cost of sitter.  Just be pleasant, and matter of fact, but do not volunteer to raise her child.  And---depending upon the age of your own children---leave them with her for a good solid period of time and let her babysit.[/quote]

This is the best advice I've seen so far.  Undermining her brother's authority or enabling her niece's behavior is not going to help the situation.  SInce the niece wanted to make adult decisions, she needs to face adult consequences.[/quote]
+1000 When you act like an adult, you need to accept the consequences.
[/quote]

But adolescents aren't adults.  There are good reasons why we as a society treat minors differently than we treat adults and this example should be no different.  Research on brain development has pretty clearly established that teenagers are less able to regulate their behavior, more sensitive to external influences, and less able to make decisions that require future orientation.  That doesn't mean they should be excused from all consequences for their behavior, but is it appropriate to turn a pregnant 15-year-old out on the street to care for and support herself?  Hell no.  The parents should be ashamed of themselves.

Kudos to you, OP, for stepping in and trying to help.  Hopefully there is a reasonable solution to this issue that ensures appropriate support for your niece without overburdening your family.  Maybe your brother and his wife just need a little time to cool off.
[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics