Reply to Niece called me hysterical. Teen pregnancy, brother kicked her out

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]What if your brother had died and you got his kids? Would you be complaining about how you planned your family size or would you let them in? Life never goes as planned and you just have to suck it up and do what's best for everyone.[/quote]

Puh-lease.  There's a huge difference between taking kids in when a parent has died and taking in your pregnant 15 yo niece.  If you can't see that, you're even stupider than your post indicates.[/quote]

Yes, I get there is a difference.  However, I'm just saying, that her biggest issue seems to be how she planned out her family to be the perfect family.  Life never goes as planned.  Her brother and his wife already put this girl out on the street and she must be scared.

If my niece came to me in the same situation I would gladly open up my heart and my home for her.  No question about it.[/quote]

Op here. I just DID open my heart and home to her. That's why my husband took time away from work and his immediate family to spend more than five hours getting her here. That's why she is laying on the couch in my den right now. That's why in the last two days I have spent more than three hours on the phone with my brother and sister in law when that's the total amount of time we spent face to face in 2013.

We planned how many bedrooms we needed based on the number of kids we have. We had our kids at a specific point in our lives. We have a three bedroom small house. We don't really have a good space for a teenager. And her potential baby. We planned our family, financially. That's all I'm saying. It's one thing when you take in a child or two because their parents died, through no fault of their own. It's entirely another when a teenager goes wild and gets kicked out of her house while pregnant and asks to be taken in. [/quote]

I think there are two issues here. One is your niece and the predicament that she is currently experiencing.   The second is that you think that life goes on as planned.

1) It is great that you and your DH are able to provide immediate support for this [i]child[/i].  She is lucky to have family willing to do so.  If she was raised in very conservative Christian household- OF COURSE she will not look to have an abortion right away if at all.  It would add to the guilt she already has.  She is in crisis and needs help- not just yours but counselors who are experienced in dealing with teenage pregnancies of all shapes and sizes.  They can counsel her and allow her to make the decisions she needs to make.  They are also aware of the various programs available to a teenager.

2) Life does not go as planned.  Let me say it again,  life  does  not  go  as  planned    .     You are very lucky to have lived so long and not learned that lesson.  To keep replying "but we only planned for X number of children spaced exactly x months apart and bought our house for that exact number of children with the perfect number of bedrooms" sounds whiney, entitled, and very naive.  It is a slap in the face of most of the rest of the population who did not get the number of children for which they planned, did not get the spacing, did not get the very best perfectly sized house for the exactly perfectly spaced perfectly planned number of children and/or have children who have any number of special needs for which one parent has had to severely curtail/leave their career, or...............    Plus, I cannot tell you of anyone I know that plans for a niece to become pregnant at 15 and arrive on her doorstep.  So, step back, count your numerous blessings, put on your big girl panties and continue to help this poor girl figure it out.  You have a chance to give back some of the excellent luck you have received in your life thus far.  [/quote]

Woah.  PP, do you just have a crappy life? Had some terrible luck lately? You sound very bitter.  I think OP has been VERY generous.  Her niece is NOT her responsibility, yet DH spent time and money to fly to Boston, pick her up and fly back with her.  They are letting her stay with them while trying to communicate with the girl's parents.  I think OP has done everything RIGHT.  No one, NO ONE has any right to demand that OP take the girl in and let her live with them for as long as she needs to.   The girl's parents need to take responsibility, and if they don't, I don't really see OP throwing the niece out.  I have two small children of my own and if this happened to me, I don't see myself taking in a pregnant runaway who may impact my family and children's' happiness.

I had a few friends in high school who were pretty wild, and there is now way in hell I would let anyone like them live with me now.  [/quote]

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